


No Telling

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death, but then, happy feels, sad feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 08:44:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin's life is quite successful, even if he has drifted away from everyone a bit again.  There's no animosity between them this time, which is good, because when tragedy strikes, he needs all his friend's help to get through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Telling

**Author's Note:**

> This fic starts out pretty sad, especially if you like the Seijuurou/Gou pairing, but it gets a lot happier and includes some nice three-way relationship action too ;)

They say my mother must have turned back to look at the semi truck as it barreled into them from behind, because her neck was snapped in two. Seijuurou, the bastard, had taken off his seat belt while they were stopped at the light. I can guess why, but it's not like it was Mei's fault at all, she's only a year old and just discovering the fun of throwing something over and over so that her parents can pick it up... I tried to play that game too one time after seeing how they jumped for her, but no one would play it with me. Gou just smacked me on the head and told me to stop making a mess.

Sei was killed instantly in the crash. I knew I should've never let that asshole marry my sister. By the time the authorities were able to contact me, the doctors already knew that the coma Gou was in isn't the kind people ever wake up from.

Even before I get to the hospital, I know what Gou would want me to do.

I'm a pretty well-off guy, what with 7 gold medals, 4 silver, and all these advertising contracts under my belt...and now I'm my niece's only living relative. I never knew that Sei was an orphan on a scholarship when we were in school together. It wasn't until Gou got serious about him that I started paying attention. I never thought I could retroactively feel like any more of an asshole in high school than I already had.

I could probably afford to keep Gou on the breathing machines for years before the funds ran out, but what kind of 'life' is that, really? She was...is? was? a good mother, and my sister would want her daughter to have the best possible chance at life. Especially since Gou isn't going to get to be a part of it now either way.

I'm strangely calm on the ride over while the taxi is ferrying me through the sunlit streets. It feels like it should be raining or snowing or thundering or something when one of these horrific accidents happen. Like in a typhoon maybe...

The emergency room is chaos incarnate. Nine cars total were involved, because the three in front of Gou's car were pushed into the intersection from the force of the impact. I have no fucking clue how Mei survived. Actually, I take that back. I do, now that I think about it. When the proud parents-to-be were first installing the car seat, I remember Sei joking about how properly rearward-facing car seats were called “orphan makers”. Gou shot him a look that I _thought_ she normally reserved just for Nagisa... But Sei just laughed and waved it off, I mean, no two families could both have _that_ bad of luck, right?

Right?

This small town hospital is _not_ equipped to handle the influx, though the more serious patients where taken on to larger institutions. Serious cases that they still expected to live, anyway. I've already been told in the initial call that my mother's body isn't here. They were able to get her heart started again after she flat-lined at the scene, but while they were on the air lift to Kyoto, she went again and they couldn't bring her back. Since they were already over halfway, they just continued on, and fuck if I know what I'm supposed to do about it now. Get her body back here, somehow, I suppose. I think my mind has pushed all consideration for those not still 'among the living' to the back of my head, because even I don't think of myself as being normally this callous.

So I only ask for Mikoshiba at the desk, and I see the girl's eyes well up with pity. I'm not in the mood.

Mei has a broken arm. They didn't tell me that over the phone. I guess there were too many other important things going on in the conversation. I think the nurse can see the panic starting to build up in my face, because she quickly tells me that she'll be fine. She's so young and still growing fast that she'll be healed in no time. The bruising is pretty bad too, but thankfully Mei's asleep right now. I don't know if you can give babies this young pain meds of any kind, and I don't think to ask. I want to see Gou.

When I thought of my sister laying in a bed on life support, I imagined tubes and monitors and her long red hair trailing down the pillow while she 'sleeps' peacefully...not this. One of her legs is completely gone. I can barely see her face because of all the bandages. Judging from the misshapen bulges beneath them, I'm beginning to think they only put them on for my sake, so I wouldn't see what's underneath. I try to tell myself I need to be strong now, but I can't fucking remember what for.

I think I throw up any hope I had left in a garbage can a few seconds after that. All I can think is that I'm wasting my time, I should be saying goodbye right now... And what about Mei? Shouldn't she get to say goodbye too? Then I remember she's only a year old, and it's not like we can just “give the two of them a moment alone” or something.

Suddenly high pitched alarms are going off, and I'm shoved out of the room as people in white coats come rushing in. Turns out I'm spared the decision of having to take her off the life support. It's better that way I guess, at least eventually, someday, _maybe_ I'll be able to sleep again, knowing it wasn't in my hands. Fuck, I forgot about the baby.

I wander back to Mei's room after I make sure there's no visible puke on my shirt, and look down at her, terrified, for a good 20 minutes while I process just how little I know about taking care of babies. Some part of me is shaking, and I don't know which one, but I can feel the vibrations of it.

Turns out I'm crying.

Since the baby's still asleep, I go back out into the lobby and try to pull myself together. They said something about paperwork and it being ok to wait on it when I first came in, but maybe I should just get it over with now, to distract myself...

Fuck, I don't know the answers to half this shit. Insurance companies, policy numbers, rights of recovery, listed legal guardians – that last one, that's me, right? After exactly a page and a half, I just scribble my name and write “bill me” in frustration.

The nurse is less than pleased with my effort. Though she doesn't say anything unprofessional, I can tell all I've done is waste her time and create more paperwork. She prints me new forms, shows me the one pertaining to Mei's release, which is all I really need right now, and tells me to just fill out as much as I can, and the billing department will “be in touch” for the other information later. Thrilling.

I guess more time passes than I thought, or maybe I just forgot what a painfully small town this was. I'm staring down at my phone, completely unable to think of the area code to make calls to Iwatobi, though I lived here most of my life. I moved to be closer to the training facilities when I made my first Olympic bid, and since it went so well, I stayed to keep up with it. For some reason, my ability to dial this call correctly the first time seems earth-shatteringly important, but all I can remember is that I think there were a lot of 1's in it?...

It takes me at least 10 minutes to remember I have the number already programmed into my phone.

“Hey, uh, it's Rin” I hear myself saying shakily, “You know about kids, right?” I can almost see the amused frown forming on the other side of the line, and I need to cut off any light hearted banter before it completely disables me. “I'm at Iwatobi General, I-” things seize up and my voice stops working, but at least I think the desperation with a hint of panic in it has gotten the proper mood across.

“The hospital? Is everything alright???”

My eyes are closed as I try to focus on what it means to speak again, and I realize I'm shaking my head 'no', even though Makoto can't hear me.

“No.. Gou...” my voice breaks and I just can't make myself go any farther than that, but luckily, Makoto is a smart guy, and he doesn't need anymore than that to know springing into action is required. Fuck. _I'm_ calling him, so it must be bad, right?

“We're on our way Rin, ok? We'll be there in 15 minutes...” he pauses, like he wants to ask more, but isn't sure if I can handle it, “Do, you need us to bring you anything?” he asks hesitantly. I can hear the steps of Haru's stairs creaking in the background as he goes up to the second floor.

“I don't know... Makoto, I don't know what to do...” my voice is sounding thicker and thicker with tears the more I speak.

“Do you want me to stay on the line with you?” Makoto asks gently, and god, I don't know how the fuck he can be so calm.

“No, just hurry” I'm pinching the bridge of my nose to see if that will help stop the tears, but it doesn't. I am _not_ bawling on the phone with him listening, so I go to hang up on him, rude as it may be. Right as I'm taking the phone away form my ear, I hear him yelling in a much less calm voice for Haru to get out of the bath. Great. Now all I can think of is that when they get here, Haru will be mad that I interrupted his soak. I might have been laughing a little hysterically while I was crying in the waiting room, because a rather large male nurse escorts me away from the other waiting families after that.

 

I ask Makoto later, and he says I only cried for about an hour and a half while he rocked me back and forth in an empty x-ray room. I think Haru was outside making calls or something...he was never very good with the emotional stuff, but he does keep his head pretty well in an emergency. I'm sure I babbled all kinds of disheartening, incoherent crap the whole time... But it's all kind of a haze looking back, even though it's only been a few hours.

Actually, it's dark outside now, so I have no clue how long it's been. If someone had said to me seriously that weeks had passed while I was inside those disinfectant smelling walls, I would have believed them. Somehow we're at Haru's house now, and Rei and Nagisa are hovering in the background, looking busy, but I barely acknowledge them. I think Makoto asks me to hold the baby briefly, but I apparently don't show enough interest in it. He takes her back after just a few moments. I wonder... How did we even get her here? Wasn't her car seat a mangled lump of plastic now? I look up and around a little, frowning, because damn it, this is an important question.

“Hey, are you ok?” Haru's hand is on my shoulder and he's addressing me right away. I suddenly wonder if he's just been sitting here, watching me this whole time, without me realizing it.

“Mei... How did she get here? I mean, her car seat...” I can't really articulate it any better than that. Normally I would sock Haru in the face for looking at me with the kind of pity I see in his eyes. It just seems to roll off me right now though.

“The hospital gave us one, Rin...” he says in a subdued voice like I should have known that somehow... Whatever. At least I know she got here safely. I nod, and I can feel my face slowly giving in to gravity with each nod, so I end up with my head in my hands again like I was sitting before.

“Should we get Makoto-senpai?”

I hear Rei mostly whispering, but there's no answer, so Haru probably only responded with a shake of his head. Makoto doesn't magically appear next to me within the next few seconds, so I assume it was a shake, and not a nod. You'd think after becoming a lawyer and eclipsing everyone but me with his pay scale, Rei'd drop the senpai thing, but I guess old habits die hard. I mean, are hard to break... Fuck. I can feel my chest tightening again just from thinking the fucking word 'die'. I'm such a fucking mess it's unbelievable. Apparently I'm so far gone that I don't mind all the other dorks seeing me cry after all, and I even let Haru hold me while I sob again, though, I've never seen the pictures to prove it.

And here I thought I couldn't owe these guys anymore than I already did.

 

….........

 

Gou and Sei's house is more of a mess than I expected. Was I really over that little, that they considered me “company” to be cleaned up for when I did come? The thought sickens me. I mean, I always knew I wasn't a very good brother, but somehow, I thought I'd have a chance to make amends later... Next season, next year, after '20 in Tokyo... Well, '20 in Tokyo came and went. Now all I've got to show for those years are some lumps of metal and an unfamiliarity with my own sister's house.

If I didn't have all of the guys here with me, I think I'd have turned around and left again already.

But Mei needs the rest of her clothes, and apparently some toys, and Makoto said something about seeing what formula Gou used... The formula for what?... I have no idea.

I stick close to him because he's got Mei, and it feels like I'm supposed to be with her sort of, right? I briefly wonder why I'm not the one carrying her around, and then I remember, I have a job to do. Everyone has one. Makoto puts Mei in her highchair and begins cleaning out all the week old (or more) food from the fridge, stopping to entertain her every few minutes. Maybe that's not the best job for me right now after all.

“I've got the kitchen under control Rin, it's ok” he says after a few minutes, squeezing my shoulder.

“Sure, right... I'll come check on her later, then” I say flimsily. I can feel Makoto's eyes on me as I shuffle out of the room, but I don't look back.

My job is supposed to be the living room. Probably because there's not much of importance in it. Nagisa is in charge of packing up Mei's clothes and toys, while Rei is looking through Gou's home office for all the Mikoshiba's important documents. Haru somehow got charged with going through Gou and Sei's bedroom. I guess it's in case there's anything we might need for Mei in there... Shouldn't that be my job? I am, was, her brother... Though, considering I've just been sitting, staring at the stale cheerio littered coffee table for the last half an hour, it was probably better this way.

I can't handle just sitting here forever though, not while everyone else is helping out. I get up and start rifling through the DVD stand next to the TV, but honestly, taking any of them would feel like stealing. I do find something with weird, brightly colored puppets on the cover. I figure it must be for Mei, so I toss it on the couch. I see Makoto's shadow move across the floor, where he'd peeked around the corner to check on me from the kitchen, but I say nothing. Maybe there might be more stuff for Mei scattered in here, so I keep poking around.

When I don't see anything else that could possibly pertain to her, I go to check on everyone else's progress. Makoto is almost done with the fridge, and I leave him be, because he seems to have a system going, and all I've been doing is messing those up lately... Rei already has a stack of boxes labeled and taped up, and I notice a pile of picture frames that he must have collected off the shelves, but I pointedly don't look at them again.

Nagisa is in Mei's room, playing with something that looks like it's designed to teach young girls to use the phone before they can even talk.

“What the hell are you _doing_?” I ask, and he stops pushing buttons on the purple contraption to look up at me. And the bastard is _pouting_.

“Oi, Rin-chan, so mean...” he whines in a voice that I can't believe Rei puts up with, “Not all of them have batteries that are working, Mr. Smarty-Pants” he says, sticking his tongue out at me like I'm the one being unreasonable. He springs up and shoves a stuffed animal that's supposed to walk and talk and stuff in my face.

“Irrrruuuuuuuuna huuuuuggg ggg g” it sounds like it's possessed, and Nagisa's voice now sounds infinitely better by comparison.

“That's just creepy” the blonde shudders and tosses it back in the pile. “Besides, Rei-chan told me to make sure and check everything with batteries. If something gets packed away with them still inside, they could leak and ruin the toy in the long run.” That makes a little more sense, that the idea came from Rei. Half these toys do look like they're for a much older kid anyway, like they were stocking up ahead of time or something. Probably most of them are from my mom I realize, so it would be a shame if Mei never got to play with them after all.

I don't know if I save Haru for last because I'm a glutton for punishment, or just stupid.

Gou and Sei's room literally looks like an earthquake hit it. Their bed is _torn apart_ , the mattresses leaning up against the wall, all the drawers of their dressers are pulled out and on the floor. One dresser itself is laying on it's side. Black plastic trash bags are all over the place, some tied up, some half full. Books are laying in a heap in the middle of the room, and Haru is standing in front of their closet, holding a shirt of Sei's up and shaking it gently as if fucking fairy dust or something is going to come out of it. I have him up against the wall with his collar bunched in my hands before I know what's going on myself.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?” I hear myself yelling at him, but he doesn't make any move to resist me.

“I'm going through their room” he says calmly. If Haru didn't _always_ sound like he was talking calmly to a crazy person, I'd be more insulted.

“You were supposed to go through the drawers, not fucking ransack the place!” I seethe.

“I did go through the drawers. Makoto told me to be thorough.”

I don't know what I'm about to do next, when he takes a hold of my wrists and squeezes somehow. It makes me lose my grip almost instantly.

“I already found a diamond necklace, and 300,000 yen that you wouldn't have if you'd been being polite” he informs me, justifying it entirely and yet not at all in my mind. I look away, because I can't look at him and his _logic_ anymore.

“There's something else too, that I think you should see” Haru says as he pulls me by the sleeve over to the corner of the room. There's a pile of cash just sitting there, along with what's obviously a jewelry box, and a scrap book. Memory shit just makes my stomach turn, but Haru shoves it into my arms and then pushes me out of the door, out of his way. He's still pretty fucking strong for someone who hasn't swam competitively in half a decade. It's not exactly a huge book, but it looks like it's mostly full.

Apparently I am that glutton, because I sit down with it next to the pile of baby stuff on the couch. I have yet to make her jumble of possessions 'travel ready'. I guess I've decided to at least look at the first page of this thing before doing that though. If _Haru_ said I should look at it, it must be pretty groundbreaking and revolutionary.

Fuck.

The first page is the schedule listing all the races and participants from that relay we mucked up and won in our second year of high school. On the bottom where it has the Iwatobi line up, “Ryuugazaki Rei” has a line through it. My name's been written in an all too familiar handwriting above it. The next page has a copy of the picture of the five of us that day, one I didn't know Gou had. Those particular feelings are ones I've dealt with before. So I feel like it's not going to be _that_ big a deal to turn the page and see what other memorabilia she may have preserved.

The subject matter narrows greatly after that first page though, and the rest of the book is solely about me. Every newspaper article, every interview, every write up on the shark-toothed rising star is in here. There's a two page spread devoted to when I win my first gold medal.

Thankfully I'm much better at realizing when I'm crying now. When I get to the end, the last clipping is from an ad campaign that I did three weeks ago. I'm glad I'm holding the book far enough away that it won't get wet from my stream of tears.

Fucking Haru. Why the hell did I need to see this now? I was just finally getting better about that whole 'bursting into tears like a hormonally imbalanced teenager' thing... I close it back up and just stare at the cover for a while. The more I look at it, the more anger builds up inside me. Anger at myself, anger at the driver of that semi, anger at the world.

I must have triggered Makoto's nurturing instincts with the black cloud emanating from around me as I stew.

“Oh good, he found it” he says as he enters the room, far too cheerful for my liking. I shoot him a look of death, one that demands to know how he is involved in this. Makoto sighs and sits down next to me, placing Mei in my lap. He still holds onto her until I hesitantly put one hand on each of her sides to take over.

“Gou had all of us collecting stuff for it at one point or another. If there was going to be an article coming out while she wasn't in town, she would have Haru or I save it for her. When she was on bed rest for those last few weeks while she was pregnant, she made Nagisa drive all over town trying to find a copy of the magazine that had your first Nike ad in it” Makoto remembered fondly.

“So it's time to straighten up and get your act together” Haru suddenly says forcefully from behind us. Even though I've never been in on their little 'communication without words' thing, I can still see Makoto groaning internally. Haru comes around where we can see him, and I'm scowling at him already, because how _dare_ he. The bastard's scowling right back, with his arms crossed over his chest. I would almost like to see the reasoning in his head, of how this book existing somehow changes the severity of everything that's happened.

“Haru” Makoto says, his tone clearly indicating they had _talked_ about this already, and this was not what they had agreed on. Haru ignores him, which doesn't seem like a very smart move to me, but hey, it's his bed, he's the one who has to sleep in it...

“It's only been a week, asshole-” I start off with the most relevant part of the soon to be argument, or so I think, but Haru cuts me off.

“Mei doesn't have a week, Rin, she'd have starved to death already without Makoto taking care of her, for all the good you've done.”

He might as well have punched me in the gut. Mei takes that opportunity to spit up a little, on herself and my leg, with all three of us staring at her transfixed. Makoto goes to reach for her, and Haru fucking _slaps_ his hand away.

“No, he needs to do it himself” he says, brooking no argument as Makoto slowly pulls his hand back in shock. Well I guess the truth of the power dynamic in that relationship just got fucking defined. I'm about to stand up and haul Mei into the kitchen in a huff, because I'm completely done with this fucker right now, when Haru turns back to me.

“Sometimes bad things happen, Rin” he says.

As if I don't already fucking know that.

“Sometimes you end up alone” he goes on.

I don't think Haru's voice was this soft half a second ago...and right then I remember Haru knows a thing or two about being left on your own.

“But sometimes, you're not as alone as you thought you were” he says earnestly.

The personal experience riddled in his voice makes me rethink the 'fucker' term I applied a moment ago...

“Rin, you may be in a shitty situation, but Mei's is worse. We may not want to lose you again, but she literally _cannot_ afford it” Haru has more emotion in him right now than I've seen in a long time, and he's daring me, _daring me_ , to tell him he's wrong. It's a slap in the face, but I know he's right. Falling apart was for the hospital. There's this entire _life_ riding on me getting my act together now, and I've been too busy wallowing to pay any attention to her.

This is only the second time I've held Mei since her parents died, including the aborted attempt Makoto made on that very first day.

Maybe it just takes one emotionally stunted jerk to get through to another...

That's not really right though... I'm struck with the realization that Haru is probably light years ahead of me, maturity wise at this point, and it's a sobering fact. Makoto is just sitting there quietly, watching the thousand things we don't say, like he can see every thought in our heads...and maybe he can.

“Sorry” I mumble to him finally, because I know it's Makoto and his kindness I've been taking advantage of.

“It's ok, I want to help” Makoto says genuinely.

“Helping is fine, but if you do it all, you're just giving him the chance to sink farther away” Haru points out firmly, knowing there is no actual way Makoto is going to leave me to my own devices with the one year old.

While I'm doing my best to clean the puke off of wiggly Mei's front in the kitchen after that, I realize I feel like I just got out of some sort of family therapy session or something... But I never felt any corners were turned like this when it was me and Gou going after dad died. We had mom still, so I didn't take my responsibility to Gou as seriously as I realize I should have.

With Mei cleaned up as good as she's going to get, I check to make sure her little brace/cast/thing didn't get wet, and hug her to me awkwardly over the sink for a moment. I promise to do better by her than I did with her mother, who for some strange reason seemed to love me anyway. I get it now, why the book seemed to set Haru off. I owe it to her. To Gou, and to Mei. Maybe even a little to Seijuurou too... And hell if I don't owe it to my mom, who went through all of this but with _two_ kids...

Seems like I'm always discovering that I'm the selfish moron in the story, but hey, at least I have friends good enough to point it out to me.

 

….........

 

Two weeks after the crash, Mei has an appointment for them to take off the cast. It shocks me that it's so soon, but when they check it, she really is fully healed already. The nurse doing the x-ray that I demand casually asks me if Mei's had her one year check up yet... It's one more thing to add to the list. I pull out my phone and make a reminder for myself to try and find that out later this evening. It's only the second one for today, so it's not too bad. The first day I had twelve.

Makoto is still helping me out quite a bit, but it's more like guidance now, with me only calling him between 10 and 15 times a day occasionally. I figured out from him how to change diapers and all that absolutely necessary stuff on the first day of taking over. Turns out the 'formula' is for Mei to drink, like, you can't just warm up some milk and give it to her... Who knew, right? There are a few other revelations along the way, but I'm handling it pretty well I think, all except for the 'sleeping' part.

This thing will not go to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time, no matter what I do. No amount of holding or rocking or feeding or burping or diaper changes will help. I even try making her stay awake so she'll sleep for longer when she does go down. But 'making' a baby stay awake is like bailing out a sinking ship with a sieve. I know it's probably wrong to think of her like that, but, damn it, I haven't had a full night's sleep in over a week now, and sharks aren't exactly notorious for being friendly when sleep deprived. What's worse is, according to the book Rei gave me, she _should be_ sleeping the night through at her age.

I find out from her doctor that her year old check up was pretty textbook, all her little measurements and developments right in line... So why is she not sleeping? Well, every baby is different, they tell me, as if that's supposed to pacify me. I don't want their fucking excuses for not knowing what's wrong, I just want to _fix it_ so I can _sleep_ again. If the scowl on my face didn't already keep most people away these days, the dark circles under my eyes would. I don't think I've ever drank this much coffee before in my life. Hopefully my heart doesn't give out from the caffeine shock.

After two more weeks without any decent rest, I'm fucking desperate. Books are useless. Ok, not really, but again, I'm on my last leg here. Experts on child development have nothing to say other than that she'll grow out of it eventually. It's not indicative of anything _serious_ being wrong...

I am _seriously_ going to bite someone's fucking face off if this goes on much longer. Not Mei's of course, but maybe Nagisa's, or Haru's. That sink or swim fucker literally told me to just grow a pair and deal with it, and that I'd be better off for having done it on my own in the long run. Like he's ever had to get all his sleep in on/off 2 hour intervals... Personally I decide he just wanted to make sure I didn't bother them at night anymore.

I think about breaking into his house and stealing all his swimsuits in retribution, but I just want him to feel my pain, I don't want to get murdered.

So it's currently 3am and I'm in bed, staring at the ceiling while Mei is laying on my chest, crying at the top of her lungs. It's not really _screaming_ , because she's not in pain or scared, it's only the level just below that which means **super pissed** for no fucking reason. I can tell the difference now. Something inside me just snaps when I think of that, and I'm _done_. Even if I can't do something as horrible as just walk away, I need a fucking break. I don't even have to stretch far to reach the remote for my stereo, and I turn it on, _loud_ , drowning out the sounds of crying with a loud techno beat that I would normally work out to...just a few minutes...that's all I need... The complete and utter selfishness of it gets to me before the end of the song though, and I turn it down with a sigh.

That's when I notice Mei's little limbs have stopped flailing in anger. She makes a sort of whimpering squall, like she's testing me, and I realize she'd stopped crying while the music was on. I just couldn't tell because everything was shaking with the bass.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. She starts crying again full force, presumably because I didn't respond to her _obvious_ desire, and I turn the volume back up, though not to quite the same room rumbling level. I don't want the cops to get called after all...if they haven't been already...

She goes still again, and when the music skips on to the next track, she stirs a little in the silence, but doesn't cry. This just seems too good to be true, so I get up to try and move her to her crib. If it's just a fluke it won't make a difference for much longer anyway. I kind of feel like I should make sure she's actually _alright_ since the change was so abrupt.

Even after I start to move though, no crying... I get her into a position where I can see her face properly and _she's fallen asleep in my fucking arms_. I move her to the crib with the scowl to end all scowls on my face. I just know that as soon as I set her down she's going to wake up again, _but_ _she doesn't_.

My hands are shaking as I pick up the remote. I watch her face intently while I play with the volume and find the lowest possible setting that still seems to keep her knocked out.

Then I sit on the edge of my bed and shed tears of joy and relief while I hold my face in my hands. Because _Skrillex_ was the fucking answer this whole time. Then I sleep. I sleep for 6 glorious hours in a row before Mei wakes up again. It probably doesn't seem like a lot to a normal person. I'm in such a good fucking mood for the next few days though, that I actually go over to Haru and Makoto's house just to hang out. Without even needing anything from them.

I'm actually beginning to get the feeling that I can do this.

 

That next Saturday, I get a call from my coach, asking how things are going. It's the first time I stop to realize that I haven't been in the water, haven't trained at all since the accident happened. I mean, he knew I was taking a leave, and what's going on and everything... But _I_ haven't been letting myself think about anything to do with 'the future'. Not more than just how the next few hours or maybe days are going to play out at a time, anyway.

I give him some vague generalities, and tell him things are going as good as can be expected, but I leave it at that. When we get off the phone, it's time to feed Mei, and I choose sweet potatoes for her today. Since she eats them good, with no fussing, I think it must mean she likes them. Rei's books and Makoto agree, she should be trying 'solid' food and all that, not just be on the bottle. Milestones and progressions and growth charts swirl around in my head as I'm absently spooning the food up for her.

I only have one more Olympics left in me. I know it, my coach knows it, the world knows it. I could live in denial and hope to get really really lucky, pushing myself for another one while in my _30's._ I'm not quite that delusional though. Mei is gobbling up the mashed orange goo as fast as I can get it to her mouth. It makes me smile when she chomps down on the spoon excitedly for a second, not wanting to let go of it.

I call my coach back after I've finished wiping off Mei's face.

He's not terribly upset since he's under contract, which is just how these things go at this level. He still stands to make a handsome sum off of me, even though I'm retiring early.

 

….........

 

I don't know what I expected, really. I mean, I just kind of assumed most kid's first words were either “mama” or “dada”, but Mei's turns out to be “wawa”.

I blame Haru.

It's not like anyone was trying to get her to say “mama” or anything, so it's understandable I guess... But somehow I feel like Gou just got cheated a little bit. It's stupid, I know, when she was cheated out of so much more than just being her daughter's first word. I push it aside though, because really, it's irrelevant at this point. Now that Mei's starting to talk I have to watch my language and stop saying “fuck” all the time, so that's my most pressing concern.

Well, I guess I don't _have_ to, but only if I don't want my mother rolling over in her grave. Or whatever wrath Gou's spirit might be able to produce from the other side coming down on me.

Since my place is really just a bachelor pad, there's not a separate room for the family shrine. So the one I have is incredibly small and a point of guilt for me actually. Things are too crazy right now for me to try and do much about it though. My mom and dad are side by side up there, along with Gou and Sei. Every time I swear in front of the baby, it's like I can feel _both_ sets of mother's eyes burning into the back of my skull.

The whole talking thing seems to take a while to click completely, but eventually Mei tries to start speaking more and more.

When she finally does say “dada” though, it's directed at me.

Normally she doesn't “address” me at all, because if she cries loud enough I'm the only one around to come running. Right now though, all the guys are over. There are plenty of people to make sure she's not electrocuting herself or falling off the couch or eating plastic. So I don't immediately check in on her when she gets fussy. Even from over in the kitchen though, I can hear her telling Makoto “no” in her angry baby voice. I have no idea what he's trying to do, but I'm more than confident that he can handle it. Then I hear another “no”, followed by a pause, and then the word “dada”.

I think my heart stops in my chest for a minute.

It's also suddenly very quiet in the living room.

I hear “dada” again, louder than before, and there's no mistaking it this time, she's calling me to come get her. For whatever reason she doesn't want Makoto, and she wants me. And she thinks that _I'm_...

I slowly walk into the living room, searching her out on the couch right away. I can feel every eye in the room on me, and the silence is thick and heavy. Mei notices none of it though, and raises her arms toward me right away to be picked up. I lift her and hug her at the same time, while I head over to the only way I can think of to fix the 'discrepancy'. Hoisting her up, I get her attention and point out Sei's picture to her on the shrine.

“Dada” I point and use the word she's able to mimic, but just not understand with this kind of refinement yet. Then I point out Gou too, and tell her “Mama”. Mei's only about 18 months, and has the attention span to match, so when she doesn't seem to care, I don't get upset. It's probably going to take a while for her to get it. I know she likely picked up the words from watching the little “learning” DVD's that her parents had purchased for her before. I guess without a female around, she didn't latch on to the “mama” thing as well.

“We'll try again tomorrow, huh?” I tell her softly. She's happy right now and coos, because she got what she wanted and I'm carrying her around. For me, that's the end of the issue, but when I turn around, Makoto's looking at me with the moisture of unshed tears sparkling in his eyes. Shit.

“Hey now, none of that!” I bark at him firmly, not quite yelling, because I don't want to upset the baby. If _he_ cries though, it'll be like a chain reaction through all of them. I did not invite everyone over so that we could hold hands while Haru steals the baby and tries to teach her to say “freestyle” next. Makoto looks sheepish, but not any less like he's going to cry, and I roll my eyes and hightail it back into the kitchen before falling into the trap.

I put Mei in her highchair and give her some tiny pieces of apple, very discretely blotting at my face with her bib while no one's looking.

 

….........

 

It's a good thing I'm already an Olympian, because it turns out that Mei gets my teeth. Now I can list “teething” as my second Olympic sport. I guess they were my dad's teeth too, which is probably _actually_ where she got them from. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with though. Normal teething toys are destroyed left and right, and even the wooden slats of her crib fall victim to the chewing. I'm kind of afraid she'll get splinters in her mouth or something if I let her keep sleeping in there, but I fear for my _life_ if I were to let her sleep with me... She could seriously slit my wrist with those things, if she latched onto me in the night.

I can only hope that's the same kind of fear I instill in other people when I threaten to bite them.

Makoto recommends frozen bananas, which he remembers the twins loving. Mei just demolishes them, then cries right away again when they're gone. Shark analogies aside, I'm beginning to wonder if some nice red meat might actually pacify her... But no, I'd never give a baby raw steak, no matter how well my teasing gets Makoto riled up. It doesn't even get a reaction from Haru, but very little does. I gave up on trying to ruffle his feathers on purpose a long time ago.

If it was just the loss of furniture due to this newest stage of her's, it wouldn't be so bad. It makes me feel like an inadequate, bumbling moron again that she's in pain and there's nothing I can do about it. Of course there's the tiny amounts of Tylenol they make for babies, but with teeth like hers, I can tell it barely even takes the edge off. She still cries almost non-stop even while she's on a dose of it.

I really, really wish I could ask my mom right now what she did with me.

 

It's actually her Uncle Rei that comes through for her, though in hindsight, I'm not surprised. We're basically all “Uncle” something-or-other now, since we started having to assign everyone their proper names. I'm kind of surprised when he and Nagisa show up at my door unannounced though, especially since Rei's holding a bottle of whiskey. None of us have ever been big on drinking.

“Please forgive the intrusion, Rin-chan, but I came across something in my research that I thought would be of use to you, and we just had to hurry over immediately” he says as he bows. Nagisa has already bounded into the house and snatched a crying Mei from me. He's flying her around the room like an airplane before Rei even finishes his sentence. Rei is always pouring through all the child-rearing books I don't have time to read, looking facts up online and double checking the scientific veracity of new findings (his words, not mine).

“I thought they only did that kind of thing back in the day, you know, before they had stuff like Tylenol...” I ask skeptically when he tells me to try rubbing the liquor directly onto Mei's gums.

“Ah yes, it _is_ a practice that has fallen out of use in our modern society, but I assure you the miniscule amount of absorption is highly unlikely to have any long term side effects. The strength of the relief is supposed to be quite substantial compared to that of acetaminophen” he rattles off.

I take the whiskey from him and read over the label for a moment, but I can hear Mei's continued whining in the background the entire time. Even Nagisa's airplane ride isn't enough to completely distract her from the pain, so I know tonight is going to be especially bad.

“Ok, let's try it. If it doesn't work, it's not like she'll be in any _more_ pain afterward” I conclude, handing the bottle back to Rei. Nagisa comes over with Mei, who is back in full-on tears, and he's looking so in tune and sympathetic with her that I'm surprised he's not getting a toothache himself.

“Um, Rin-chan, we are friends, to be sure, but... Though I do sincerely hope my research pays off for both Mei and yourself, I'm not willing to risk losing a finger over it” Rei says as he hands the bottle back to me. I give him a look that says he's a total pansy and he knows it, but he doesn't flinch at all. My shoulders slump and I grab the bottle back with a sigh, opening it roughly while I mutter under my breath. I plug the end of the bottle with my finger and then tip it, letting the amber fluid coat it thoroughly.

Suddenly I remember Rei's fears are completely grounded as I'm staring at the tiny bear trap in my niece's mouth.

“Here, give her to me” I tell Nagisa, who looks at me skeptically, but complies. If this doesn't work, we may have to go to 'Plan B' and find some other way to apply it... I bounce her a few times to hopefully distract her just enough, and try playing the 'copy me' game. With her cradled in one arm, and the other ready to spring into action, I open my own mouth wide, and then clamp it closed, baring my teeth to her in a move that she usually tries to repeat, loving funny faces. Her mouth opens wide, but she won't chomp her teeth down like usual. There's so much pain in her eyes, that I do something stupid and try to apply it anyway once her jaw relaxes.

Thank god she seems more confused by the intrusion than anything else. She starts to try and suck on my finger as a reflex, but I'm moving it around to the other side of her gums before she can get a good hold. I know exactly when the taste of the alcohol hits her, because her face screws up and _then_ she tries to bite me. I've been too quick for her though, and I escape with all my digits and a small miracle. Fifteen seconds later, she stops crying, and I hold my breath while I watch her open and close her mouth a few times. Then she's out like a light, fast asleep now that the pain is gone. Suddenly I'm hugging Rei and Nagisa more tightly than they were obviously expecting.

“Don't worry about it, Rin-chan! It's always great just to see you and Mei-chan!” Nagisa says when I try to convince them they don't have to leave immediately. Rei has work in the morning though, so I understand they need to split. As I'm waving them off, Nagisa grabs Rei's arm and holds onto it tightly while they walk, and I can hear him asking Rei in a bubbly voice if he'd ever risk losing a finger for _him_... I just shake my head, feeling slightly bad for Rei, but knowing I have some of the best friends in the world, even if I didn't start out earning all of them for myself.

I don't want to get Mei _hooked on the juice_ , so I try to only give it to her at night, if she's really, really needing it. The third time I end up having to do it, she doesn't fall asleep right away though. Tiny fingers reach up and push their way into _my_ mouth, and I'm so startled I open mine wide. Because let's face it, there's just as much of a chance of her losing a finger if I were to bite down too. At first I don't really register what's happening, maybe she's just trying to play now that the pain's gone? But then I feel her little fingers going back and forth on both sides of my mouth, and she says “ouch...ouch” really slowly.

I just know she's trying to ask me if mine hurt like that too, and I suddenly feel in this moment like she's more than just some relative that I got stuck with. Mei is mine in a way she could never be anyone else's, and I'm hers. Because we both have the same teeth, even if our last names are different.

 

….........

 

( _Makoto_ )

 

Haru and I have been living together since college, and 'together' for much longer than that. We don't really have a specific anniversary or anything, since we've kind of just always been with each other. It's more like the things around us come and go, but Haru and I remain the same...to a certain extent. Every once in a while, a certain shark-toothed wonder makes our lives extra 'interesting'. We all manage to come through better for it in the long run though.

Rin actually has less flaws than you would think just from looking at him, though I know that sounds mean, so I'd never say it out loud. He's not as withdrawn and cold as his exterior would have you believe, and it's obvious he really cares for Mei. Though the circumstances around it were horrible, Rin and Mei being thrown together has made him a much less selfish person already.

These days, when I hear my phone go off with his ring tone, it brings a smile to my face, instead of a small frown of worry over what Mei might need now.

“Oi, Makoto, have you ever heard of blowing in a baby's face to make them hold their breath?” Rin asks as soon as I pick up. Perhaps I spoke too soon.

“Um, why?...” I ask without answering.

“It's nothing urgent, I just realized her Uncle is an Olympic gold medalist, and she doesn't even know how to swim.”

“Rin, she's only _two_ ” I say a bit loudly, not liking the direction this conversation is taking.

“I know, I know. I'm just thinking since summer's starting, to kind of introduce the concept to her. You know how she loves baths- oh, I gotta go, we're up next” Rin says, cutting the conversation short, “I'll call you back later.” I could hear the bustle and chatter of whatever crowd he was in while we were talking. I figure there's no immediate danger of him tossing Mei into a too-large body of water _right_ at this moment...

Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and remind myself she's not technically mine to watch over, and that these things are Rin's decisions. I can't help but worry though, when it's something I feel strongly about. Rin's doing the best he can, and Mei's survived with only a few bumps and scratches along the way so far.

I decide not to mention the little talk we just had to Haru yet. As much as he was right about Rin needing a little tough love to get his act in gear at the beginning, I know exactly what Haru's first reaction will be when it comes to anything water related. I think it may be more important to him that Mei learn to swim with her heart than to, say, I don't know, read or write or be able to do basic math. But that's Haru for you. Just thinking about some of his endearing quirks brings a smile to my face.

I try to put the whole thing out of my mind for the most part. Yet simultaneously try to remember to _casually_ bring it up tomorrow when we see them for dinner. It's a delicate balance.

A couple of hours later, my phone goes off with an email alert, and it's from Rin. There's an attachment, and I open it up first, because I always do it that way when he sends me a picture of Mei.

This is no ordinary snap shot though.

The two of them are in the miniscule back yard of Rin's complex, wearing swim suits, and playing in a kiddie pool. Someone else is obviously holding the camera for him, probably a neighbor, but I can't really tell from the picture. Rin has on a pair of his competition leggings. It seems far too serious for the neon green of the inflatable plastic pool and the garden hose laying off to the side. Mei is wearing a purple one-piece with white polka dots, and has a ruffle around her waist. She is the cutest thing in the entire history of little curly haired, red-headed babies. Rin's grinning proudly while she dunks her own face into the water.

That pride in his eyes while he smiles at her really gets to me.

“I don't know which one of them is cuter...” I admit to myself, saving the picture permanently to my phone. Now this I have to show to Haru.

When I find him in the kitchen, just finishing up dinner, he's stopped in the middle of the floor looking at his phone. I can see the reflection of the water in his eyes even from here. Not like he's about to cry or anything, but I literally mean the way his eyes get when he's looking at, or thinking of, the water. Rin must have sent the picture to him too... Haru notices me watching him, and flips his phone closed, stuffing it back in his pocket.

“I can't believe he took her swimming without us” he says in a disgruntled tone.

“I don't think the three of you would have fit in that tiny pool at once” I point out softly, forever amused by how easily Rin can get to both of us.

“He could have bought a bigger pool” Haru shoots back, looking over his shoulder at me.

I shake my head and wrap my arms around him from behind.

“He's doing a good job though...” I let it hang as an unfinished sentence, waiting for Haru to either agree or refute it.

“...Yeah, she looks happy... They both do...” he comments. “And I'm bringing my swimsuit to dinner tomorrow.”

 

…........

 

( _Rin_ )

 

Shortly after Mei's third birthday, I decide it's time to finally move out of my one bedroom apartment. It literally looks like a pink and purple explosion went off in the living room, and it's giving me a twitch in my left eye. I know she's just a toddler, and I wouldn't mind so much if it was just her room in a perpetual state of disorder, as long as I had my own neat and organized space again.

Since I'm moving anyway, it might as well be closer to all of Mei's other uncles, since they're so much a part of her life.

As I'm packing up yet _another_ box of toys, I realize it would have been much smarter to move _before_ her birthday and the inpouring of presents...but oh well, hindsight and all that...

My realtor had given me a list of houses within the size range I was looking for in Iwatobi, but I didn't spend long looking at it. There was a house two blocks over from Haru and Makoto, and I pretty much knew that would end up being it. As long as the foundation's not settling or something, location trumps amenities by a long shot.

There's three bedrooms, which is more than I really need, but the extra space would make it easier to expand the family shrine...and I might even have room for some weights... There's no pool, and not much backyard, but I've never been big on lawn care. And the pool thing is probably for the best, unless I want Haru to end up moving in with us. Which would be doubly awkward because it's _his_ house he and Makoto live in now.

The paperwork goes fairly fast, since I don't need to take out a loan. I know in the back of my mind that the money won't technically last forever, but what I've got right now should last until Mei's grown, even if I don't add anything to it. I still keep an eye out and take advertising stuff here and there though, just in case. It's funny to me in a way, because the market I'm “applicable” for has changed in the last few years.

I used to be just a brash athletic star with black fingernail polish and hair that was too long. The only people who wanted me associated with their products were energy drinks and clothing lines that had more space age fibers in them than natural ones. Now the offers I get range from shampoo places to cat food, though even I had to admit that last one was a bit of a stretch. I guess all those articles about my early retirement and the “tragedy” made my image a lot more family friendly.

I know these gigs won't last forever though, and they've probably only lasted this long because the hype from my quitting ran on into the build up for the games in '24. It's funny, but I actually miss watching most of the events because of the move. I guess my priorities changed a little along with my 'image'.

I do catch the end of the swimming lineup on the second day, including the relays. We have it on in the background while we're unpacking. Japan only pulls a silver, and I tell myself they would have gotten the gold if I was there, but they'll just have to deal with it. I have more important things to do now. Mei is running up to me every two minutes to show me the toy she just pulled out of a box in her room, like they're all new because she hasn't seen them in a couple of days.

“Oji-san! My singsing!” she squeals and holds up a sparkly microphone. I know better than to try and take it from her though. She's not wanting me to use it, just showing me how wonderful it is that _she_ has a microphone. I pat her on the head and chuckle as I confirm how amazing her discovery is, and she runs back into her room with it a second later.

Nagisa wants to throw me a house warming party. He's still on my shit list though, from when I was stupid enough to let him babysit _by himself_ that one time. So Makoto and Haru do it instead (but they still invite him...). Really, moving doesn't seem like I'm 'opening' a new chapter in my life, it feels more like I'm picking up an old one where I left off.

 

….........

 

I'm the first one of the group to turn 30. It's not so bad I guess. I haven't found any gray hairs yet, though I haven't really been looking. Makoto confides in me near the end of my party, as if it will make me feel better, that Haru has _two_. But his hair is darker, so it's easier to see that kind of thing. I really don't give a crap, and it feels like everyone around me is treating it like this big deal, but I'm kind of indifferent to it.

Mei loves any sort of birthday or party, so she is _very_ into it. She _somehow_ caught onto the whole 'shark' association I have, and demanded of Makoto that he make me a cake shaped like one. It only took the guy three tries to produce an acceptable looking version, with Mei's help of course. Good thing they started early in the day.

The shark theme carries over to pretty much everything, the decorations, the plates, the napkins.

At one point, Mei comes up to me and very seriously asks,

“What do you get from a bad tempered shark?”

At first my mind is spinning, like, what is she even trying to ask me? She's only in first grade, so things like grammar haven't been fully cemented in yet.

“What?” I frown, thinking she's going to need to repeat it at the very least, in order for me to be able figure this out.

“As far away as possible!” she blurts, breaking into a huge grin and starting to laugh before she even gets it all out. Surprise surprise, Haru is busting up in the corner, and I've got a pretty good guess as to where she heard that joke. It's ok though.

Haru's 30th is the next birthday to hit, so I spend those couple of months teaching Mei every bad dolphin (and/or whale) pun that I can. Because if _I_ were to tell them, that's just petty, but if it's Mei, then it's just cute and there's nothing the bastard can say. I have explained to her by then that we all kind of had our own 'animal themes' going on in high school. Haru was always getting compared to a dolphin, so that was his. Makoto was an orca, Nagisa a penguin, Rei a butterfly, and of course then me with the shark thing. She asks if she can be a shark too, and I tell her sure, she's got the teeth for it.

She's really into being like me right now. So much so that even though she's learned all the different strokes in swimming, she wants to do butterfly because that's what I'm 'famous' for. I'm sure she'll grow out of it as she gets older, but it's pretty cute for now.

Haru, amazingly enough, manages to be late to his own birthday party, at his own house. Because he's in the bath. He argued that if we really wanted to do something special for him, we'd let him be with the water all day, but no one's buying that. Makoto just gives him one of those soft looks that means, 'you're lucky I love you buster', and steers him toward the table with the cake.

He mumbles some sort of half hearted apology about not meaning to keep us waiting. He probably feels more that since he wasn't the one to invite us, it's not his problem.

“Oc-chan, everyone knows dolphins never do anything by accident. They do everything on _porpoise_ ” Mei giggles. I may be the only adult laughing at first, but I don't care. This kid's got a great sense of timing, and revenge is sweet. Mei flashes me a toothy smile that makes her look like a little female version of the brat I used to be, and I flash one back as everyone else is groaning over what dorks we are. I don't care though, as long as we're having fun with it, that's all that counts.

 

….........

 

( _Haru_ )

 

“You should add a little red, to make it darker” I point out to Mei while she's coloring furiously at what is supposed to be Rin's hair. Makoto's having her make some sort of project/picture to give him for Father's Day this year, because he's just like that. I wander over seeing the look of intense concentration on Mei's face. Plus, the tip of her little pink tongue sticking out while she focuses has already drawn Makoto's adoration. He's urgently moving his eyes back and forth between it and me, begging me to look.

I do have to admit, it's pretty cute.

“Like this, Oc-chan?” she asks, holding up a different crayon.

“Hai, that one would be good.”

I stand around supervising the completed drawing for a few more minutes until Mei declares it done. From an objective standpoint, it isn't anything special, showing only an average amount of skill for her grade level. Rin's getting soft in his old age though, so he'll probably be only slightly less emotional about it than Makoto is. When Mei asks me what I think of it, I tell her it's really good, and that Rin's bound to love it. Maybe I'm getting just a tad soft too... 

I figure this picture is headed straight for the fridge once Rin gets it, but then I realize Makoto's  _framing_ it. I raise an eyebrow at him, because  _really_ ? 

“Hush, it'll mean a lot to him, especially when she get's older, even if he doesn't admit it” Makoto chides me.

“You're putting an awful lot of effort into a holiday that's not even really-”

“ _Haru_ ”

Makoto's pretty serious in order to cut me off.

“That's exactly why. There are plenty of guys who actually have the title 'father', who don't do half so well by their kids” he looks me straight in the eye while he drives his point home. That's the problem with having someone who knows everything about you, all your deepest secrets... Every once in a while, they tap you on the shoulder and remind you you're not one to talk. Especially considering the huge walls you've built up around yourself.

No one would say the parental influence in my own life was anything more than lackluster. I haven't even had the  _thought_ to call my own father on Father's Day, ever...

Rin's never indicated we should do something for him though, even if I do have to admit he certainly deserves the title. But then again, Rin's not the kind of guy to ever ask outright for approval either. He'd run himself into the ground trying to earn it, but never actually ask.

“Hold on, Makoto” I stop him from actually sealing up the frame. Mei's drifted off into the living room since her part of the craft is done, but I call her back.

“You should write something on it too, a message” I tell her, and she looks thoughtful for all of 2 seconds before responding.

“Like, 'I love you forever Oji-san you're the best'? Good idea, Oc-chan!” she says excitedly, grabbing a crayon again. Makoto quickly disassembles what he's done so far, and hands the picture back to her for the finishing touch. While she writes, Makoto's giving me one of his soft, patented, 'cut right to the core of me' looks. I stay very focused on helping Mei with the kanji so I don't have to meet his gaze.

After he's done with the framing, he kisses me, long and deep, even though Mei's in the other room watching TV. We normally try to keep this kind of thing to a minimum in front of her, but sometimes even the two of us get overwhelmed. Part of me thinks it's odd how the way we feel about Rin makes us both need to kiss the other so desperately, but the larger part of me isn't surprised at all.

 

 

( _Rin_ )

 

I'm way too young to be having a heart attack, so I figure this weird swelling feeling in my chest is just from plain old emotion. Boy that Makoto really knows how to sock it to a guy... I hug Mei tightly when she presents me with their collaboration. I'm not as shocked as I would have been in the past when I find out that Haru helped her with it too. There's just no way for a person to remain ambivalent toward _her_ , and I'm pretty sure she's had the dolphin wrapped around her little finger for a while now.

When I tell him “Thanks”, just a general one because I know he was involved, he does the strangest thing, and blushes. Before I can tease him about it though, Mei pulls me away for something or the other... I can't remember exactly what she wanted now. I do distinctly remember Makoto putting his arm around Haru's waist, and them sharing one of those “looks” though. I've figured out what a good deal of them mean over the years, but this one is lost on me. Hn. Makoto probably bribed him with some sort of sexual favor to get him to participate, which would explain the blush...

It's not until later on in the day that I stop to think about the fact that I've never really done anything to show the guys how much all their help has meant to me. Because that's what this was; Makoto telling me I'm doing a good job and roping Haru into agreeing. Or at least him not disagreeing enough that he'd refuse to play along. I keep my eye out for a good occasion or proper timing to repay the favor for a long time, but nothing seems to really fit. I don't want to embarrass them by going overboard, but I do have six year's worth of built up 'thanks' to be saying too.

I finally decide that starting small is better than never starting at all. When the second Sunday of May rolls around the next year, I take Mei with me to the flower shop early in the morning. We always get red carnations for Gou's grave and my mother's. This year we're going to need more than just two dozen though. I'm thinking a single carnation for each of the guys is a good gesture, but Mei never does anything by halves.

It makes my heart ache a little, but I know she has no memory of Gou, that the idea of Gou doesn't mean to Mei what it does to me. She wants a full bouquet for each of her uncles, and I have to admit she's right. The living who have given so much deserve at least the same as the dead who had everything taken from them. So that's how we end up walking down the street with 6 dozen red carnations, earning approving glances from all the old ladies we pass.

It's windy as always at the Matsuoka grave sight. Sei didn't have a family plot, so I put him beside Gou in ours. I always give him a little nod of respect when I'm up here now, because these days I appreciate everything he was willingly taking on in wanting to start a family with my sister. Not that he probably knew _everything_ he was getting into, but you've got to give the guy points for being willing to jump into the unknown out of love.

We don't stay too long, just to pay our respects and leave the flowers for our mothers. Otherwise _someone_ will start to get all teary, and we still have a lot of other things to do today. Our next stop is Rei and Nagisa's place. I've basically forgiven him for the babysitting “incident” a couple years ago, but I want the excuse of having to deliver Makoto and Haru's flowers to be able to get out of there if things start getting too crazy. It's a legitimate concern when Nagisa is involved.

Rei cries. I feel a tiny bit bad, but I'm happy it moved him so much, happy to finally be doing something. Nagisa _threatens_ to cry when Rei does, but he doesn't actually. Instead he whisks around getting vases and water and bringing Rei tissues. I make sure the four of us share a nice big hug before we leave, which turns out to not be for like an hour. It's ok though.

I feel suddenly nervous standing on Haru's front porch, holding a dozen flowers that I'm not sure will be received the way I intended. Haru's always sort of held himself above any gossip or evaluations that had to do with him having a girl's name. I always figured it was better to just address it right away and move on...but will he be insulted by the insinuation of getting red carnations from us on Mother's Day? I hope not. I know Makoto will be happy, and I hope he's the one who answers the door, because Mei's insistent on being the first one of us to offer their bouquet.

The odds are probably 95% that it would be Makoto putting out the effort to get the door, so of course it's Haru who opens it for us.

“Happy Mother's Day, Oc-chan!” Mei sings out, her face beaming as she shoves the flowers up in Haru's face.

“Easy, easy” I chuckle, because if she'd have been any taller, Haru would have petals up his nose right now. I think his hands wrap around the bundle more as a defense mechanism than anything. He's blinking and looking totally confused as I repeat Mei's greeting, but more softly.

“We just wanted to say 'Thank You', that's all” I add, watching him closely for his reaction. Haru gives reactions, he just thinks about what they're going to be for longer than a regular person does. He looks kind of stunned right now as Makoto comes up behind him.

“Was that Mei's voice?” the brunette's smiling face comes into view, and I'm kind of glad I'm the one who gets to give him the flowers after all, since Haru seems to be taking it so well.

“Happy Mother's Day” I tell Makoto.

Instead of finally responding to me, Haru looks over at Makoto as he's receiving his bouquet. I swear to _god_ there are tears in his eyes as he ducks back in the house without a word, still clutching the flowers tightly. Mei runs inside under Makoto's arm, and I hear her asking Haru what's wrong... I hold my breath for a second, seemingly frozen to the porch, and then I hear him say “nothing” and that he just needs some ice cream. Then he asks her if she wants any too, and I exhale a little loudly.

Makoto grins at me and raises the flowers to his nose, taking a big breath of their scent. Then he pulls me into an even bigger hug. Somehow, this doesn't feel like the same kind of hug we shared with Rei and Nagisa earlier...but maybe it's because Mei isn't a part of it.

“Thank you” Makoto whispers to me, and he kisses the side of my face, right about on the hairline. It could be construed as my temple, so that's what I go with, not that I'd make any effort to pull away even if it wasn't... A few minutes later we join the rest of them inside, where Haru promptly hands Makoto a bowl of pecan praline, and me one of rocky road. Mei is already making inroads at having mint chocolate chip smeared over her _entire_ face, but I don't say anything.

The look Haru gives me says it all.

 

Each year after that, the whole lot of us gets together on Mother's Day for “ice cream brunch” as we deem it, and it becomes quite a tradition. It's not until the next year that Haru says something about why do all of them have to be the 'mom', but it's all known to be in good fun by then.

“Because I'm the 'dad', obviously” I shoot back.

“But your name's just as girly as any of ours” Haru tests me, a small smile quirking on his lips. Mei is actually the one who settles it though.

“It's not because of his _name_ , it's because Makoto Oc-chan _said_ so” she informs us, old enough to grasp the basic undercurrent of the conversation now. I grin and make a gesture of thanks in Mei's direction.

“See? The logic's irrefutable Haru, so you're just going to have to learn to live with it.”

 

….........

 

Mei is squealing loudly, the happy center of attention while she rips the rest of the wrapping paper off of her birthday present. It's a karaoke machine, something she's been asking for over the last year, so I know she _really_ wanted it. You only turn 9 once, right?

“She's getting spoiled” Makoto says quietly to me out of the side of his mouth, not taking his eyes off the commotion. Nagisa is trying to help her open it, looking every bit as excited as she is.

“It's my choice” I answer, shrugging my shoulders, “Besides, she's strong enough to handle it.” I can't actually see the look Makoto is giving me, but I still know it's there.

“Oc-chan! Don't you dare break it or you'll need stitches when they pry me off of you” Mei scolds Nagisa, who _is_ being too rough.

“Mei! You shouldn't say things like that!” Makoto is horrified. Haru just looks from one to the other of us, waiting to see what's going to happen. Rei is telling Nagisa through clenched teeth to calm down, or he's going to get cut off of the continual sugar high he's been staying on today. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is with her response.

“Why shouldn't she? Nagisa's being reckless and about to break something of hers” I ask Makoto, shooting the blonde who should know better a dirty look.

“Well, it's just, a lady shouldn't talk like that. There are plenty of other ways for her to broach the subject” he responds, frowning slightly.

To hell with that.

“So, because she's a girl, she's not allowed to stand up for herself in the most effective way possible?” I say with a bit of edge in my voice.

“There's nothing wrong with her standing up for herself...” Makoto backs down a little bit, not liking to get quite this confrontational.

“So it's _just_ because she's a girl then? You never say anything when _I_ threaten to bite people” I retort, not about to let this go. Everyone is looking at us now, and I can tell Makoto has no idea what to say to that. Probably because I really shouldn't be threatening people either, but it's not like it happens all the time... There are certain situations where I _do_ want Mei's first response to be to bite first and ask questions later though. And almost all of them have to do with getting pushed around by guys that are bigger than her.

“There's a fine line between standing up for one's self, and becoming the aggressor in a situation... I think that is what Makoto-senpai was implying” Rei speaks up, adding a bit of peacemaking to the tension. I have to admit it's a valid point, so I back down as well and take a deep breath.

“Alright, alright, I see what you mean... Mei, from now on, remember to only threaten to bite people _politely_ ” I grin, throwing a teasing look at Makoto out of the corner of my eye. Mei just giggles and says, “Yes, Oji-san”, then turns back to her gifts. He shakes his head, but lets it go...for now...

Later on, Makoto comes up to me and Haru, and I just _know_ from the look on his face that he wants to bring up the subject again now that Mei isn't within earshot. I raise an eyebrow to tell him it's not a good idea before he even opens his mouth. It makes him sigh.

“Look” I begin, setting down my glass, “I have no intention of raising some wilting flower, somebody rescue me, polite as she's being _kidnapped_ kid” I tell him, flat out. “And when she's older, I fully intend to tell her that she should bite the dicks off of any guys that try to come near her.”

It'd probably be funnier if I wasn't joking.

Haru finds humor in it though, interrupting the beginnings of the argument.

“Is that what you tell them too?” he asks, his face straight but his eyes laughing at me.

“Fuck off, _Nanase_ ” I mutter, rolling my eyes at him. When I look back to Makoto, his eyes are too wide with the suppressed laughter, and I pick up my drink and walk away without another word, leaving them to their good laugh at my expense. Whatever. It's not like I couldn't go out and get laid if I wanted to... It's just not something that seems worth putting out that kind of effort for right now. Plus, it'd be a bad example for Mei.

 

…........

 

When Mei is finally old enough to join the local swim club, she's the only one who already knows all the strokes. Some of the kids in the next grade older than her don't even have them all down yet. It's a point of pride for me, and for her other uncles as well. I think we're all kind of holding our breath to see which stroke she favors.

It's not uncommon for Haru to come with me to watch her practice, though we both try to hang back and not interfere. Because her last name is Mikoshiba, I'm not even sure the coach knows who I am, but I don't want to be the washed up asshole who tries to come in and take over her team. I explain this to Makoto when he and Haru are both with me one day, and Makoto's questioning why I don't seem to care about interacting with the coach.

“You're not washed up” Haru says matter of factly, not taking his eyes off the pool. I can see the almost physical tension in him, from being this close to the water without jumping in. I guess he holds back for the same reasons I do, for Mei...

“Hey” I frown, realizing he only disputed half of my 'fears' in getting too involved.

“Well, you are kind of an asshole” _Makoto_ says like it's old news.

“Jeez, with friends like this, I guess I'll never need enemies...” I grumble, crushing my empty energy drink.

“I find it hard to believe you don't have any enemies” Haru adds insult to, well, the other insult he already made.

“None left alive” I say, snapping my teeth at him pointedly. Makoto sighs and pats me on the shoulder with a smile.

“Alright you two, quit your flirting, practice is getting out.”

How Makoto can make jokes like that without blushing, but not even deliver simple puns without giggling is beyond me.

 

When Mei has her first swim meet, swims her first relay, it feels like...well, I don't even know how to describe how _important_ it feels. Also, as she's chatting with her little friends by the starting block, waiting for things to get going, it suddenly makes me feel _old_. It feels way older than turning 30 did, or seeing my times slow down, or feeling my shoulders pop unnaturally when I stretch...

This isn't a tournament, so there's no trophies to be won, but I still want to see her do well. I think the five of us drown out the entire section's worth of other cheers when she takes her position. Mei's the last one up, anchoring the leg, since she's their strongest swimmer. Anyone with a basic knowledge of the sport knows she's been given the freestyle portion. In all honesty, I'm a bit shocked when she surfaces from the initial dive with both arms, doing butterfly instead of a traditional front crawl.

Rei and I are each holding on tightly to the sleeve of the other's jacket in excitement while we cheer our fucking lungs out.

They win.

Both Mei's relay and the team in general. We break ranks and head for the poolside, since the meet is over, and it's time for Makoto to finish up taking an entire memory card's worth of pictures.

My first clue that something is wrong is the “why should I care what you think?” look on Mei's face while the coach is talking to her. He's frowning and I don't like his tone when we get closer.

“Ah, you must be Ms. Mikoshiba's legal guardian” he says as if it's some kind of disease she contracted. I nod, and smile in a way he'd know was dangerous if he was any smarter.

“I was just disciplining Mei for the selfish stunt she pulled, and she seems _quite_ unremorseful” he informs me, like I'm privileged to be allowed in on the conversation.

“What are you talking about?” Haru butts in, scowling at the coach. Initiative's usually not his thing, so I kind of let his comment stand for me by default, out of shock that he spoke up.

“I specifically instructed Mei to swim freestyle for her leg of the event, and she deliberately disobeyed me” this guy's tone is sounding more and more uppity the longer he talks.

“Freestyle means any stroke” Haru's looking at this guy like he's seriously concerned for him now, like, he must have hit his head or something to not know these things as their coach.

“I meant _real_ freestyle, the front crawl” Mei's 'coach' goes on about how it's the fastest and she drew an unnecessary amount of attention to herself by deviating from it. I don't hear all the details, because I'm busy watching Haru's eye twitch and his face begin to _seethe with rage_. His chest expands as he draws a quick breath, about to take action. I'm wondering if Haru has developed enough 'quirks' over the years to get off on a mental instability plea for this guy's murder.

Suddenly Makoto's wrapped an arm around Haru from behind, and then has to quickly step in front of him to block his movement when he finds he's simply being pulled along by his enraged boyfriend.

“Who the HELL do you think you are? -Let go of me, Makoto...- You're a FRAUD! You're going to RUIN these kids, you self absorbed jerk! -I said let go!...- Hey! You're DESTROYING the sanctity of swimming you bastard!”

I don't think I've ever seen Haru yell before. And damn, he's still as strong as ever, because poor Makoto is having a hard time holding him back, even with their size difference. Rei and Nagisa jump in to help, and Mei's eyes are a bit wide, but I think it's more for the fact of seeing Haru so worked up, not that she's scared or anything. I put one hand on her shoulder and squeeze it, then do the same for Haru, since this may actually get out of control in a second.

“Hey, Haru, calm down alright? I'll take care of it, don't worry” I tell him seriously. I think it's in that moment that he realizes it's Makoto's shirt he has by the collar, not the _supposed_ coach's. He relaxes visibly, but he's still openly glaring at the guy. The coach, who doesn't have very good self-preservational instincts, because he's still just standing there, turns to look at me as I approach him. I don't grab his shirt, or touch him in any way, but I do get up in his face. We're about the same height, but it's ok, I know exactly what angle will make my teeth glint _just so_ for any sized adversary.

“Look, _fucker_ , Mei will swim any fucking stroke she wants to for freestyle, I don't care if it's butterfly or front crawl or the fucking _doggy paddle_. And in case you didn't notice, they fucking won their relay, so you can go suck a-”

“ _RIN_ ” Makoto uses that “if I were your mother you'd be in so much trouble right now” tone on me, and it thankfully does stop me from saying something inappropriate in front of Mei. I huff and turn to face Mei now, who's grinning from ear to ear but trying not too.

“Mei,” I prompt her, “Don't say 'fuck'.” If Makoto had a free hand right now he'd be smacking himself on the forehead, I'm sure.

“Yes, Oji-san, I understand” Mei nods and smiles sweetly. I hoist her onto my shoulder and announce loudly that we're going out to eat tonight, to celebrate that she swam with her heart, not that they won. I see her stick her tongue out at the cowering moron as we're turning to go, but I don't say anything. It's easier and I don't have to pretend to discipline her for it if I didn't see it. It's impossible to miss Haru flipping him off as we walk away though, and I just chuckle. Even this many years later, we all still make a good team.

 

There's only a minor scuffle, administratively, about what happened at that first swim meet, and the idiot ended up resigning over the 'principle' of the thing in the end. Apparently the board of directors for the city's youth activities refused to take any _action_ against me, or by extension, Haru, for threatening him. I guess it _is_ nice to have a little fame attached to your name now and then, though I've never tried to actively use it.

Haru thought they should go so far as to be apologizing to _us_ , but I got the feeling none of them really knew anything about swimming, or that the guy was going to turn out to be such a douche.

All in all, I'm not that surprised, but still a little sad, when Mei tells me she'd rather sing than swim near the end of the season. Her school has a choir, which she was part of this year as a beginner, but moving on to the more advanced group means after school practices. I have to admit, she's always loved music. I mean, it's not like we ever had to force her to get in the water, but I do want her to follow her own dream, not one someone else laid out for her.

So I agree to it. I miss the swimming 'scene' a bit, but it does mean that Mei will be at choir all afternoon... Now I'm free to join Makoto and Haru for the swim they would normally take at their gym. _Two_ gym memberships may seem a bit frivolous, but I've only got the old one now because I made the silly mistake of paying for the whole year at once. I'm still too selfish to pass up an opportunity to swim with the guys though, no matter what the cost.

 

….........

 

Mei still sleeps with music on all night, even at 12, though she's branched out a bit from _only_ techno now. When she was younger, Makoto was a bit disbelieving in the power it had over her, and wanted to try something like Mozart or Beethoven or Bach. If I remember correctly, my response at the time was along the lines of “Haru's awfully young to be widowed”... I just really value my sleep these days, ok?

Anyway, she still listens to a lot of heavily synthesized stuff, which is always cool by me, but sometimes she'll put on these resounding choral pieces that are versions of songs they're learning in her class. It's funny because _those_ put _me_ to sleep almost instantly. I don't _mind_ them, but wow, talk about a 'soporific'. When she has concerts and performances, I'm literally dosed to the gills on caffeine, to make sure I don't miss any of it. I think some of her friend's parents may think I have a problem, but whatever.

Mei's life is turning out more and more to revolve around music the way mine did around the water. I was already starting to dream about the Olympics at her age, while she wants a soundboard this year for Christmas, so she can mix her own songs. She's probably going to get it too. Thankfully she's always easy to shop for, since anything music related will do. I make her wait for actual occasions to buy her really large stuff like that though.

I hope it lasts, but at the same time, I feel like I'm ready to deal with puberty and boys and stuff, which should hit any time now. I know there's a good chance that some of the things she likes as a kid will fall to the wayside once she starts noticing boys. I doubt music will be part of that though. Her growing up is one of those inevitable things, so there's no use in 'fretting' about it. The thought of her dating does make me wonder if there's any way to sharpen my teeth _more_... So they look extra intimidating... I'll have to look into it.

One of those 'growing up' things are sleepovers. She's gone to a few group ones over the years, but she normally has a really hard time sleeping anywhere but her own bed. Actually, it's probably more the lack of electronica drifting through her ears than anything else.

Then a few months ago she made friends with this girl named Sora in her art class, and found out she's not the only freak, I mean kid, in the world who sleeps like that. When I first meet Sora, I apprise that she is a bit past strange and a little into the 'something's off' category. Not so strangely though, the way her eyes glaze over sometimes kind of reminds me of Haru. She seems nice enough though, and her parents are tolerable. I'll give in to a request for her to sleep over much more readily than for some of Mei's other friends. Like the ones who have single mothers...

Mei goes to sleep over at Sora's house too pretty often, and I have to admit, I enjoy the quiet when she's gone for those hours. Sora has an older sister who is in the same choir that Mei is, so it seems the three of them get along fairly well. Sora's mother says it's amazing, but when Mei is over and both of the girl's attentions are on her, they forget to fight with each other. Yep, that sounds like Mei alright. She even has a solo in their upcoming choir competition, she's that much of a show stealer.

It's not like she hasn't earned it though. The girl _can_ sing, and she's not afraid to put on a show while she does it. After the competition, which is regional and two prefectures away, they'll be performing the lineup of songs they've learned for the community here too. The other guys and I have already it marked off on our calendars, since it's going to be a family event.

In the beginning I used to let myself get roped into chaperoning for things like this trip, before I realized it meant being trapped all weekend with nosy housewives. I'm infinitely glad when I get a call from Sora's mother though, inviting Mei to come to their house the Friday night before the competition. She's going to be one of the supervising adults, so she volunteers to keep an eye on Mei for me too. I wasn't really that worried, even though she's only 12, she's got a good head on her shoulders, and doesn't take shit from anyone.

That Friday is a whirl of packing and planning and practicing, for Mei that is. I kind of hover in the background after she gets home from school, waiting for the mania to be over so I can walk her to the sleepover. She'll be two nights in a row away from me, so to her it's like her first real _adventure._ I just chuckle and give her more hugs than are probably necessary.

When I get home, I plop down on the couch and think about cleaning up the place a bit... I also think about lifting some weights, balancing my checkbook, or digging out a discretely hidden dirty magazine or two... There'll be plenty of time for that stuff though, since I've got all weekend to myself. Mei's bus won't be getting back to the school until Sunday afternoon, and I'm getting pretty comfy here on the couch.

Dozing off early on a Friday night seems pretty pathetic to me when I wake up from my nap, but I console myself with the fact that now it's almost 11pm, and I'm wide awake. When I check my phone to see the time, I notice a couple of missed calls from Makoto, but they were hours ago. Neither of them are particularly night owls, so I decide to just call him back in the morning. Even if they are awake at this hour, they're probably not doing anything I want to interrupt.

Saturday we do end up getting together, just the three of us, since Rei and Nagisa are out of town. We catch a movie that would be totally inappropriate for Mei, and have dinner at a restaurant that's _not_ part karaoke bar for a change. It's nice to get to be a grown up once in a while. I'm in a good enough mood that I don't even mind ending up the 'third wheel' by the end of the night, when Makoto and Haru start getting a little too touchy-feely with each other.

I bow out early after that, but since we've already made plans to hang out again tomorrow, I don't feel left out or anything. I glance back at the booth we were all sharing as I'm taking care of the tab, and the two of them are still making out and whispering into each other's ears occasionally. I just roll my eyes and leave a good tip. Everyone knows that's just how Makoto gets after a couple glasses of wine.

 

( _Makoto_ )  
  


“When did Rin leave?” Haru asks me, his brows dipping to a point.

“I think about 15 minutes ago” I reply lazily, still nuzzling at his neck. “I don't think your 'make out in front of him until he feels like joining in' strategy is really going to work, whether we've been drinking or not...”

“Hmph.”

“We can try again tomorrow, Haru”

“Okay, let's get out of here then” he says tersely, but I hear all the dirty, unspoken thoughts behind it.

“M'kay.”

 

So instead of the kind of ridiculous plan Haru had come up with to sort of 'woo' Rin initially, mine is to actually _talk_ to him about it, subtly. I spend most of Sunday starting up conversations about having relationships in general, and what makes them healthy, dropping hints here and there. I think Haru is frustrated by not being able to just jump him and make him ours, but I know this is worth doing right.

“You know, not everything in your life has to completely revolve around Mei, Rin” I point out when he makes an off handed comment about not having time for things like “relationships”.

“Yeah, it's not like you have a job or anything” Haru chimes in, though, I'm not exactly sure that's helping... Rin rubs his face with his hands like he's tired, and leans back, just as his phone starts going off. Mei already called a few hours ago, ecstatic, to say that they won their division and a prize for being overall best girls choir. So it wouldn't be her calling again already. It's far too soon for them to be back yet.

I can see in Rin's face when he gets up, that he's answering it more to get out of this conversation than that he's truly curious about who it is. I shoot Haru a warning look while Rin's checking his caller ID, letting him know to back off a bit.

When I look back, Rin has a deep frown on his face as he's finally picking up the call.

“Hello?” he says skeptically, scowling at the wall. The next series of events happen in slow motion. Actually it looks more like stop motion with missing frames cut out of it, as Rin eases himself onto his knees. His eyes are closed now, and he's pale as a ghost, leaning over even further and supporting himself with one hand against the ground. The angle I'm watching from suddenly changes, and I must be kneeling next to him now when he finally speaks again.

“But she's ok, right? You said she's not hurt..” he sounds like he's about to throw up. I grab his shoulder, not pulling on him, but letting him know I'm here right beside him. I wait in agony to find out what's happening.

“Yes, right, what time?” Rin hasn't opened his eyes, but from what I've heard so far, it sounds like things are going to be ok... My gut is twisting horribly though as I rub his back. I'm not sure if it's to calm him or me.

“No, it'll be faster if I come get her then” Rin's voice has just a touch more steadiness to it, and I wish I could make sure he knows exactly where Mei is before he hangs up, but without interrupting.

“Six kilometers south, yes, I've got it... Can I call this number back if I have any other questions?” Rin's eyes are blinking, like he's slowly coming back to life, though his color doesn't return. I'm infinitely proud of him for covering those points on his own.

“Ok, thank you” he nods, and then the call ends. Instead of sitting back up, Rin presses his forehead against the floor, and his cell phone falls out of his hand.

“ _Rin..._ ” I say a bit desperately, because I'm going to start crying just from not knowing what's happening.

“She's ok, she's alright” he says in response, but since he's crying now, it doesn't help stem the tide with me at all. “Her bus blew a tire and hit the side of the mountain, but they didn't go over, they didn't go, she's ok” he starts talking in circles, and I'm not sure I have the strength myself to do anything to help him snap out of it. My heart is pounding in my ears as I continue to rub Rin's back, probably being too rough, but he looks like he needs it right now.

“Makoto, get him up” Haru is standing over us with a determined, though slightly scared, look on his face. “We have to go get Mei now, right? Come on, I'll drive. Where is she, Rin?” he asks as he offers me a hand to help get us moving. I take it, and pull Rin up with me as he relays what the school official told him about their location.

Rin's tears stop as he takes a few deep breaths while we head for the door. Haru's plan of action seems to be helping solidify him, though he's still a bit out of it. Rin grabs my coat, without realizing it I'm sure, and puts it on methodically. We're close enough to the same size that I doubt he notices the looseness in his current condition. I grab his then, and Haru's since he's headed out without it at all, and is already getting in the car.

Rin starts to get in the passenger's seat, but Haru tells him no, that he should sit with me. I guess that puts us both in the back then. It's a long drive up to the mountains that they were crossing when the accident happened, and it turns out to be for the best that Haru can focus on the road and not on Rin.

He's certainly taking this much better than the last...well, no one's died here, so I guess it's not really a fair comparison. There's only one time during the ride that he breaks into tears again, but I decide to screw custom and wrap my arms around him without being asked. He stays with his head buried on my shoulder while he mumbles about how, “She's everything” to him, and I couldn't agree more.

When we finally get there, all the tears and traces of them have dried, and Rin springs from the car like it's the last leg of an Olympic relay. He's still in a jog, but I can tell he's holding back not to run full out to Mei. The way he scoops her up and holds her in a tight hug for so long draws adoring glances from some of the mothers I know Rin normally tries to avoid. I don't think it'd be possible for him to give any less of a fuck about them in this moment though, to paraphrase the man himself.

The bus is sitting off to the side of the road with it's blown out tires and a huge gash of torn sheet metal running down the side of it. It reminds me of the Titanic for some reason, only without the horrific ending.

We apologize to Sora's mother and sister, but we don't have enough seat belts in the car to offer them a ride back as well. She says it's fine though, since her husband should be there any minute as well. We were one of the first to arrive, mostly because of Haru's driving I'm sure. He drives again on the way back, because it's really not a good idea for me to try it right now, and Rin is still out of the question.

“You're never getting on a bus again” I hear him telling her, though I think we all understand he's just venting in the moment.

“You better buy a nice car then, Oji-san, cause you can't make Haru Oc-chan take you everywhere all the time” she informs him, but they're both hugging the other tightly in the backseat while we drive off. I'm sure the accident was a little bit of a frightening experience for Mei, even thought she knew she was fine long before we did.

I can see in Rin's eyes that right now he's holding a tiny baby with a broken arm again, but I don't interrupt their moment. I'm sure things will get a little stricter and more protective for Mei in the coming weeks, but like Rin says, she's strong enough to handle it.

 

….........

 

( _Rin_ )

 

Ah, puberty.

Why the hell did I ever think I was ready for this? Apparently it's pretty bad that I haven't “had the talk” with Mei yet, and she's already 13... I mean, she's in public school, it's not like she _doesn't know_ where babies come from... The scolding I get from Sora's mother though lets me know that the whole “being just a single guy” thing won't fly as an excuse here. Like it's some sort of crime that my kid doesn't know what lube is. Fuck. Why the hell are 13 and 14 year old girls even talking about things like that at a sleepover to begin with? And Sora's mom just _happens_ to overhear them? Riiiiight...

The whole thing seems highly suspicious to me, but I seriously doubt any of it is coming from Mei. She knows she can talk to me about anything if she wants to. We frequently _do_ talk about things most other parents would find uncomfortable. Like just what level of plausible deniability she would like to have if I ever offed all the other contestants with her in a talent show. You know, stuff like that.

If I'm going to try and do this though, I may need a bit of a refresher course myself... It's kind of embarrassing to admit “for a guy” I guess, but I haven't had sex since before she was born. I know I have one of those personalities that tends to get focused on one thing _really intensely_ and kind of lets everything else fall to the wayside. It was great for the Olympics, and worked fine for my adventures in parenting, at least up until this point. There's also the little hurdle of the fact that I've never actually done it with a _female_ , and I'm suddenly not so sure that's something Mei even knows about me...

Just one of those conversations is awkward enough, but to have to follow either of them up with the other is just _not_ happening.

//You know I've always been a fag, right? Cool. Now lets have an in-depth conversation about everything you could possible encounter in hetero sex, never mind that I have zero experience with it.//

Yeah, I may be sounding a little lamer than normal on purpose in my head when I contemplate it, but not by much, considering the subject matter...

I will probably pay for it dearly, and I know that...but honestly, I'd rather let Makoto take it out of my hide later than say the word “penetration” to Mei. I dropped her off at the steps of their house, and I'm a good three blocks away, driving a bit faster than normal just out of cowardice, when I call him on his cell phone.

“Oi, Makoto...Uh, MeihasacouplequestionsforyouaboutsexsoI'llpickherupinthemorningokbye”

Even though I don't give him a chance to get a word in edgewise, I can hear that Mei's already made it inside.

“Is that my _Uncle_? Tell him he's a little bitch” she says with attitude, because I think she's about as thrilled to have to have this conversation as I was.

“What?!?” is all I hear a disbelieving Makoto say before I hang up on him and turn off my phone. There are several places around that they would probably expect me to be, so I avoid all of them; including home, the family grave site, and Rei and Nagisa's place. I tool around the mall since it's something I've never particularly enjoyed, and feel like a complete moron and loser for the rest of the night. But at least I'm not explaining oral to a 13 year old girl right now. There's a bright side to everything.

It's been hours that I've been sulking around here, and I'm starting to think I should probably buy something before security starts to get suspicious. If I had any balls at all, I'd get something for Makoto to apologize, but I kind of know it won't help. Maybe I should buy something for Mei instead, since she's probably the one actually suffering the most here. Suddenly an idea hits me, and I leave the mall without purchasing anything after all. I may not be able to face _her_ when it comes to these kinds of things, but perfect strangers are fine.

I head over to the pharmacy, and purchase one each of probably every feminine hygiene, sexual protection, and/or pleasure enhancing type of thing they have there, just to make sure all the bases are covered. It's my luck of course that I went to high school with the guy working behind the register, but the look I give him just _dares_ him to say a single _word_ about my purchases. Either he remembers me better than I do him, or he simply takes my teeth seriously. Each item is scanned without him meeting my gaze again, and he takes my money.

 

“You _owe_ me” Makoto not so subtly whispers as he opens the door for me the next day.

“...I know...” I say with more meekness than probably any other statement I've made in my entire life.

“You are such a pussy” Mei immediately rounds on me when I get inside.

Haru frowns at her.

“Hey, _I_ may not be allowed to say things like 'fagot', but I _can_ say 'pussy'” she answers his look like it contained all the actual words of rebuke he left out. Then she turns back and stares at me pointedly.

“It's so cute that you though it would be over after that” Makoto says sweetly in my ear again, tapping his finger over his lips as he watches the blush creep up my face.

“Just...get in the car” I tell Mei, not looking any of them in the eye. It probably feels like running away because I am.

It's not until we're in the car that I give her the bag of feminine/sexual supplies. She opens it because that's what teens do when you toss something in their laps. She blushes furiously herself, and I see her rolling her eyes out of the corner of mine. I mostly keep my gaze on the road though. When she does speak, it's almost like the tone in her voice isn't quite as upset with me for being a coward anymore.

“You know, Makoto Oc-chan wasn't really _that_ upset... He's the ' _mom_ ' anyway, right?” she says, looking at me really briefly.

“Tch” I grunt, knowing I'm still going to pay dearly for my little stunt. After a few moments of silence, we're already home, since it's only two blocks. I only drove because there was no way I was carrying that bag down the street.

“Well,” I start off, my voice resigned, “You know if you ever have any problems with that stuff, you can always go to him.”

Mei had the beginnings of a smile spreading over her face, until she registers that the last word of my sentence was 'him' and not 'me'. Her face falls into a 'disappointed with me' frown again.

“You're hopeless, Oji-san” she informs me, but as she's shaking her head, I see the start of another smile.

“Sorry” I say, really meaning it, because I know exactly how pathetic I've been over the last 24 hrs. She holds up the shopping bag and shrugs her shoulders as we're getting out of the car.

“I guess you tried the best you could... At least I'll have enough condoms to last me until I'm 30 now” she jokes, because I really did go way overboard. A scoffing sound automatically rises up in my throat.

“Uh, you better _not_ ever use anything in that bag” I say with a scowl. If this were a cartoon, I think the look she just gave me would be the equivalent of one character smacking the other in the face with a chainsaw. I don't really want to argue about this on the front lawn, so I make my way to the door of the house while she's glaring at me. As I'm unlocking it, I hear rustling behind me.

“If you didn't want me to ever use anything in here, why did you buy me Plan B pills?” she says, waving the package in my face.

“Hey! Put that away!” I grab it out of her hands and stuff it back in the bag before anyone _sees_ , “It was all in the same section, ok?”

Mei is looking at _me_ like I've totally lost my mind, and then she says flatly, “You have issues” and walks past me into the house. I really shouldn't have been trying to _win_ the conversation, but now I totally feel like I just _lost_ it. Once I get inside, Mei comes in for the attack, grabbing the bag back from me and rifling through it. She takes out the pads and tampons, then throws the rest of it back at me.

“There, now you can rest assured I won't use anything in the bag” she says sarcastically, “And by the way, I am only _13_ you know, at least I can reasonably count on getting to use _this_ stuff before it expires” she adds, wiggling the box of tampons in the air at me.

“What do you mean, ' _expires_ '?” I say without thinking, I mean, it's just condoms and lube and stuff, it's not like I bought her dairy products. I've seen the look on her face somewhere before when I say that, but I can't quite picture on who... Then she pulls out her cell phone and hits a speed dial, walking over to me as she's waiting for it to answer. I'm kind of put off by the calmness and utter _disdain_ in her mannerisms, but before I can say anything, she's speaking to the person on the other side.

“Makoto Oc-chan? Oji-san has some questions about sex for you, here” she says, pressing the phone up to my ear with a glare. She lets go while my mouth is still hanging open, and I'm forced to grab it from her or let it fall. I can hear Makoto about to break a rib out of laughter on the other side, and I immediately tell him to shut up. By the time I shift my focus back to Mei, she's already gone and I hear her bedroom door slamming closed.

I sigh dejectedly into the phone, rubbing my forehead.

“You've brought this on yourself Rin” Makoto wheezes out, and I get the feeling he means it in a general upbringing sort of way, not just regarding this incident.

“Yeah yeah, you can go back to screwing your boyfriend now” I huff, and hang up on him for the second time in as many days. I certainly don't remember Gou being this way when she was a teen, but I wasn't exactly around much for that. I guess it could have gone worse. I leave Mei's phone on the table and decide to put 'the bag' in the bathroom. Honestly, if she really does get into a situation where she _needs_ any of this stuff, I'd rather her have it than not, even if I grumble about it now.

 

….........

 

Nagisa's life doesn't exactly seem like the kind of stress filled existence that would induce a mid-life crisis. At least that's what Haru's calling his little stunt anyway. He just quit his job in sales one day and enrolled in a series of night classes at the local salon. He's going to _beauty_ school now. Really? I mean, unless _Rei_ has suddenly decided to live out this sort of crisis vicariously _through him_ , I personally think Nagisa's just dicking around. Is he even old enough to be having the term “mid-life” applied to him?

I'm not one to talk too much though, because I've never had a 'real world' job. In looking at the numbers though, it's something I'm going to have to start planning for eventually. Not like _immediately..._ but in general, Mei's turned out to be a little more expensive than I originally thought. I probably could have cut back here and there myself, and I'm the one in control of it anyway, not her, so it's not like I'm trying to transfer the blame or anything.

She starts high school next year though, and I've already got it in the back of my mind that I'll need to start _doing_ something before those three years are up. I don't want to cut things close, or not be able to help her out if she needs it once she gets out on her own. I have a feeling that the 'starving artists' saying applies as equally to musicians as it does to painters.

It may be old and unused, but I do have a college degree. Thank god my mother refused to let me quit school in order to train more back then. It doesn't look like Mei is that enthusiastic for college, and the younger me may have let it slide if he'd been the one to deal with it, but not anymore. She can sing and start a band and DJ and all that stuff she wants to do in between classes, just like everyone else.

When I drop her off at Rei and Nagisa's place, I've already asked Rei ahead of time to look up and throw some figures at her about successful musicians who actually graduated from college. Who knew Greg Graffin went to Cornell? I know I can trust Rei to cover all the bases after hearing that, and prepare to entrust her to their care for the evening.

Makoto, some time ago, decided to use his pull over me (aka, I owed him) to make me more “sociable”, as he calls it. It pretty much entails me taking him and Haru out for dinner, or to see a movie, or sometimes both if Mei has a sleep over that same night. I'm a little surprised at first that _this_ is what he wants to use his 'favor' for, especially since I don't think of myself as really being that caustic anymore. But I certainly don't argue about it. I actually had a lot of fun that one time before that we all went out as adults. The rest of that weekend notwithstanding...

Then he informs me that it's not a one time thing. Us getting out of our houses and out into the world like this is going to become a regular occurrence. Now I'm beginning to see it as more of an undertaking. Not that hanging out with them is tiresome at all. It's just a bit of a hassle to get all dressed up and make sure Mei's not going to get into trouble with regularity. I am _not_ coming home to a house full of bratty teenagers, or even worse, a lone boy, there when they shouldn't be.

I try to rotate through measures though, so no one of my resources gets tired of being used too quickly. Her little friend Sora is pretty much guaranteed to not want anyone else over with them, since she's kind of antisocial, so I feel ok leaving the two of them alone. Other times Mei goes over to Sora's and others I drop her off with Rei and Nagisa.

We try to get those two guys to join us occasionally, but Rei is in the running for Junior Partner at his firm this year, so he's spending massive amounts of time at the office, or cooped up in his one at home. Just him being present though is enough to give me peace of mind, and it's not like Mei is still two and I would fear for her _life_ if left in just Nagisa's hands. The blonde still gets a firm look right before I exit, and I know he knows I'm watching him.

 

Dinner out is only every other week or so, but I have to admit I've started looking forward to it. We're trying a new restaurant tonight that just opened, so we give ourselves a little extra time in case they're still working things out in there. It ends up being a fun night, the food is pretty decent and the service quicker than I would have expected. After the first few times of doing this, I didn't have to be the one to pay all the time either, so tonight is on Makoto.

Surprisingly, it's Haru who suggests we continue hanging out and all head back to my place afterward, since the night is young.

“Pfft, I don't know if that's such a good idea” I say disbelievingly, eyeing the two of them.

“Why?” Makoto gives me a small frown. After all these years...

“Well, just because you guys manage to keep your hands off of each other during dinner doesn't mean I want you screwing on my couch.”

“Come to ours then” Haru doesn't even try to deny the possibility, “That way if you decide you want to, you can just leave.” Makoto sighs and gives him a look of exasperation at his bluntness.

“Wow, that was _real_ suave Haru” he says in a deadpan tone that he probably picked up from none other than the man he's admonishing.

“Alright, alright, I guess I can hang out for a little longer” I say to move things along. It's only 7pm anyway, so I still have hours before Rei and Nagisa would be expecting me to pick up Mei.

 

Normally when Haru breaks out the wine, I know it's going to be a short night for me. Not because I can't handle my liquor or anything, but because he's a touchy-feely drunk, and Makoto an outright horny one. Do not ask me how I know this. Let's just say knowing when to leave is a skill I built up quickly after the first few times of seeing them get like that.

If all they wanted to do was get tipsy and make out, they didn't really need to invite me over, but whatever. I raise an eyebrow at Haru skeptically, but accept the glass when it's offered to me. Nagisa's perfectly willing to deliver if I end up having to walk back home myself. I down the red liquid more quickly than I probably should have. It's nice to have friends, but sometimes, they can be jerks without really meaning to. Though I guess I'm guilty of that same flaw myself, so maybe it's all 'meant to be'.

When I drink, I get tend to open up and get a little more talkative than normal. Not like super outgoing clear off a table so I can dance on it 'open'. But you know, I have been known to share more than I meant to here and there on a New Years. I'm thinking about it more than normal right now, because the three of us seem to be having a little role reversal thing going on tonight.

I mean, two glasses of wine is not a lot of alcohol, but I'm horny as hell for some reason and letting Makoto snuggle up to me way more than I normally would. It's probably because I'm distracted by Haru, _talking my ear off_ the entire time.

What was in that wine?...

Most of what he's saying is about how wonderful and amazing Makoto is, and Makoto's looking at him with puppy dog eyes and squeezing _my_ leg in response. I keep moving his hand off of me, and then finally just try to get up, but Makoto has his arm over my shoulders and his head resting on me as well, and won't let me move.

They're being bigger jerks than usual tonight.

Haru's already covered what a great friend, parent, and even employee Makoto is, and is now moving on to _lover_ , when I stop him.

“Fuck, Haru, are you trying to make me fall in love with your boyfriend or something?” I try to rattle their nerves a bit and get them to shove off, mostly so I can go home and masturbate.

I don't get the response I was looking for though.

“ _He_ loves _you_ , you know...we _both_ do” Haru says quietly. While I'm trying to piece together just what the hell has gotten into him, Makoto kisses the side of my neck. I know for a fact I did not drink enough for things to be spinning like this. Haru's stream of consciousness has dried up, and he's looking at me like he can peer into my soul or something as he leans closer. It's like clockwork, or a well rehearsed dance, when Haru pushes the angle of my head away from him and dips down to my neck. At the same time Makoto's lips have left the other side of it, and reach up to seal over my open mouth.

The shock I'm in feels like a palpable _thing_ running through my veins when I notice myself start to kiss Makoto back without thinking. Fuck. No. I am not _that_ horny, or drunk, that I would let myself destroy something like what they have on a whim. I put a hand on each of their chests and _push_ , _**hard**_ , because the idiots deserve it for trying this kind thing. I can feel the gasp of surprise from Makoto, but Haru just grunts as they're suddenly flung to opposite ends of the couch. I get up without a word and grab my jacket from where I tossed it on a chair earlier.

“Rin...” Haru sounds like he's saying he's sorry a thousand times in that one word, and Makoto looks like I just slapped him instead of pushed him.

“You're fucking _drunk_ , Haru” I say bitingly as I pull on my coat.

“No, he's not, Rin, none of us are, and you know it” Makoto says with this weird urgency in his voice. I think he means to try and get me to stay.

“You know, somehow I can understand Haru not knowing what a bad idea pulling this kind of stunt would be, but I didn't think _you_ were that much of an asshole” I say angrily to him. I have to turn away before he sees my eyes watering, so I make the most of the necessity and head for the door. Haru stood up while I was insulting him and his fucking _husband_ , if it was legal, if we're being honest, and he grabs my arm to keep me here.

“Rin, us loving you isn't some stunt” he says, like emotional shit like that just rolls off his tongue every fucking day. I wonder if he can tell I'm about to deck him. Suddenly I feel Makoto's hand cupping the side of my face, and the tension in my body reaches some sort of critical mass while I'm staring Haru down.

“Rin, don't go... Please...” Makoto is using that soft voice on me that's supposed to be for Haru only, and I can't fucking take it. I try to back up as angry, confused tears start rolling down my face, and they let me, a little, though neither one lets go. Haru's grip on my arm stops me when I'm about to step off the edge of the stairs leading to his genkan.

“Rin, it's ok. Let's just talk about this, alright?”

Haru offering to talk just seems so surreal to me right now, I don't know what to say.

They try pulling me gently back into the living room, but we only get a few feet before I suddenly find the words I was looking for.

“Fuck. You guys, how do you even do something like that? Huh? I mean, did you just wake up one day and say, 'hey, I think I'm in love with someone else now, but I still love you too, so don't worry...', what the fuck even is that conversation?” weird accusations start pouring from my mouth as I look back and forth between them. Makoto makes one more move to try and pull me to where we can sit down again, but I resist him, so he stops. In my mind that living room holds a lot of broken things that I run the very real risk of them seeing inside me, if we go back in there.

“Truthfully, Rin, I don't think we've actually _said_ more than a handful of sentences regarding it in the past decade... You know how Haru gets” he says with a small smile and so much hope in his eyes that I can't look at him anymore. Looking at Haru though isn't much better. He looks like some huge weight is about to be lifted off him, and he takes Makoto's hand in his free one and pulls it to his chest. Letting go of my arm, he moves his other hand to the back of my neck, and strokes his thumb over my skin.

Oh my god, this fucker's going to kiss me too.

“We can't just...out of the blue...” I sputter, and I think it's that moment when Makoto smells my blood in the water. Because he knows when I say that, it's not a lack of being able to feel for them that's making me want to run. He brushes his fingers through my hair as he scolds me.

“Rin, we've been dating for almost a year, don't you think it's time?”

Haru's lips are thin, but warm, and more daring than Makoto's gentle press had been. He captures my lips, and god, it feels so good to be wanted. He releases me after too little time, but then Makoto kisses me again next.

“I don't want to come between you guys, I, how do you know I won't ruin everything?” I blurt out as they're both wrapping their arms around me. It's just a hug with our foreheads pressed together, but it feels like the most intimate thing I've ever experienced.

“You've never 'ruined everything' Rin, and I seriously doubt you're going to start now” Makoto chuckles, but I'm more serious about it than that.

“No, I don't think you've really been paying attention then, cause I'm always screwing up, and I have _zero_ idea what I'm doing” I correct him, my eyes squeezing shut so I can escape the tremendous amount of _feeling_ being directed at me right now.

“We're not perfect either Rin, and you don't really do as bad as you think you do, I promise” Haru tells me.

“And it's ok if you don't know _what_ to do, we'll teach you” Makoto adds with a soft smile.

“I _have_ _had_ sex, that's not what I meant” I roll my eyes and get defensive, but the mood is already shifting and becoming less ready to shatter at any moment.

“Yeah, but never with two guys at once though, right?” Haru gets this cocky little grin on his face, and I know I'm in trouble. I shake my head, first as a response, but then I close my eyes and continue with it.

“I... I can't, do that... tonight...” I say slowly, because I'm not really sure if I'm allowed to refuse them at this point. I feel Makoto's forehead nodding against mine though, and he's rubbing my back.

“It's ok, we just don't want you to go yet, that's all. Just stay for a few minutes and we can all calm down, ok?” he sounds so happy, so ready to do anything for me, that I find myself nodding in acceptance too almost right away.

Haru and Makoto and I end up sitting on the couch again a little while later, just holding each other and kissing and stuff. I feel like I'm a 12 year old kid again, being let into their little group for the first time. They stay one on each side of me, and occasionally lean in to kiss each other, but it's mostly them taking turns, or not, with me. I notice when they kiss each other though, that it still looks the same as ever, nothing's changed in the amount of love they're passing between them. It terrifies me, but I do want even just the tiniest part of that so badly, that I agree to come back over the next night.

 

By the time I leave to go get Mei, my lips are swollen from too much kissing, and interchangeable flashes of blue and green eyes are still swirling in front of me as I drive. The alcohol wore off a long time ago, so I'm not concerned about that, but I take it slow because I can still _feel_ their lips on me. I'm both excited and scared out of my mind about tomorrow.

When I get up to Rei's front door, it slides before I can put my hand on it, suddenly flung open like someone was waiting for me. Mei is filling up the doorway with a dramatic pose, and THAT LITTLE SHIT CUT HER HAIR. Not Mei I mean, I mean Nagisa, _that_ little shit.

“What the _fuck_ have you done?!?” I bellow as I push past her into the living room, looking for blonde.

“Don't you like it, Oji-san?” Mei's eyes are a little wide, but since I'm not targeting her I think she's kind of confused. Instead of her long locks, she's now sporting an extremely cute and spiky pixie-ish cut...It actually kind of reminds me of the haircut her _dad_ had...

“Like it? You look like you're 23!”

“So...is that, a bad thing?” she says, not sure what the problem is, I'm sure. Nagisa is actually standing not too far away, and has kind of moved behind Rei, because he _does_ have good instincts, he just chooses to ignore them _most_ of the time.

“Um, is Mei-chan not beautiful like this?” Rei asks me, putting up his hands to keep me from killing his boyfriend. I glare at him.

“She's _too_ beautiful, you morons! How am I supposed to keep the boys off of her with her looking like that?” Once I say that, it's like everyone in the room suddenly agrees without speaking to ignore my anger now.

“Aww, Oji-san...” Mei comes up and hugs me, and Rei's face has melted into this sort of expression that says he's seeing something adorable. He better not be including me in that.

“Rin-chan, don't worry, we'll all help beat off the boys with you!” Nagisa says seriously, taking a couple of fake swings in the air. I'm not comforted. I'm also way too exhausted to be dealing with this.

“Ugh, let's just go” I say, rubbing my face with my hands in defeat. It's not like I can make them put it back the way it was.

The ride home is rather quiet. I can feel Mei looking at me now and then, probably trying to judge just how mad I actually am, and if any of it's directed at her. Once we get home I hug her, so she knows things are actually ok.

“Maybe you should let Nagisa Oc-chan help you out with your own hair too” she says jokingly. It better be jokingly.

“I haven't had the same hairstyle all these years out of 'indecisiveness', I have it because it works” I grumble, “And besides, one miracle doesn't mean he'll actually be able to reproduce it again later” I say, poking at her hair. She just giggles, and I decide to let it go...maybe because I'm getting better at it...or maybe it's just because I have a lot of other things on my mind.

 

I spend practically all day Saturday worrying what I'm going to do with Mei while I'm at Makoto and Haru's... If _I_ suggest she go spend the night somewhere, she would definitely question why. Should I really be trying to _hide_ it from her though? Not that it's any of her business... I mean, I _am_ an adult, and if I want to go spend the night over at Makoto and Haru's house, I'm perfectly allowed to. But I never just go 'spend the night' somewhere... There is no way in hell I want her knowing what's going on between the three of us until I've had a chance to get a little more comfortable with it myself. I'm not ready to answer questions, fuck, nothing's even really happened yet.

“Hey, Makoto...” I've called his cell phone, but it's actually Haru who answers.

“What's wrong?” he skips the pleasantries as usual.

“Uh... Why are you answering Makoto's phone?” I ask out of curiosity, and to stall.

“Because it was you” Haru's bluntness is both a gift and a curse.

“Oh, right...” I would have much rather had this conversation with Makoto, hence why I called him.

“You're still coming over, aren't you?” Haru's tone has lost it's evenness, and I suddenly picture him as a little kid who knows they're about to be disappointed, but still is trying to remain hopeful.

“I... I want to... It's just, with Mei...”

“She's 14, she can handle herself for one night”

“I know she can, but what am I supposed to _tell_ her? I can't just take off with no explanation.”

“Just tell her you're coming here”

I can practically see the frown on Haru's face, not understanding what the big deal is.

“It's _Mei_ , she'll either want to come with me, or want to know why I'm going alone because it's unusual, or when I'll be back, and if I try to answer any of those questions, it's going to end up being _bad_ ” I inform him, rubbing my forehead.

“Put her on the phone then, I'll tell her”

“Oh my god Haru, don't you fucking dare” I'm going to end up with a headache after this.

“If you're really not coming, I'm not telling him for you, you can do it yourself” Haru sounds angry with me, and, shit, I feel like an incredible asshole right now. Then suddenly Haru's gone, and I've been given over to the phone's rightful owner.

“Rin...What's this really about?” Makoto wants to know, obviously having heard Haru's end of the conversation.

“God, I'm not trying to 'get out' of anything, ok? I want this, Makoto, I really do, but, I can't just tip my hat on the way out and tell Mei I'm off to screw a couple of her uncles at once, so don't wait up” I feel so frustrated by the situation that I just want to lay down and sleep forever rather than think about the ridiculous awkwardness of all this. A very large part of me cannot believe we're just casually discussing the upcoming threesome we all have planned like this anyway. I can hear Makoto sigh on his end of the line, and the resignation in it makes me feel like I just kicked a puppy or something.

“Oji-san!” Mei suddenly bursts into my bedroom, no knocking, no care for the fact that I'm on the phone, and starts rattling away excitedly. Apparently Sora's sister just won a four pack of last minute backstage passes on the radio, for a band I'm vaguely aware of existing, and their concert starts in less than 6 hours.

“Makoto, I'll have to call you back” I say, hanging up to give this my full attention. God bless that little antisocial weirdo and her sister whose name I can never seem to remember.

“Who's using the fourth ticket?” I ask skeptically, though I doubt her friends' parents would be letting them go at their age without one of them present.

“Sora's mom said she'd take the three of us, Oji-san, please please please I'll never cut my hair again, I promise!” she looks like she's about to burst into tears at the possibility that she won't be allowed to go because of the previous day's actions. “It's a once in a life time opportunity!”

Even though my own heart is skipping beats at how perfect this could indeed turn out to be for both of us, I still feel a little hesitant about her going off to do something like this without me.

“When does it end?” I ask.

“I...I don't know, but Sora did say I could spend the night after, so you won't need to pick me up or anything”

I can tell she's obviously trying to make this sound as appealing to me as possible, and god, she has no idea. Finally I get out my wallet, and her eyes widen with unspoken hope as I peel off yen.

“I guess if Sora's mom is going to the effort of taking you, the least I can do is pay for the souvenirs” I hold the money out to her, but instead of taking it, she tackles me in a huge hug.

“Oji-san!!! You're the best!!! I love you so much!!!” she squeals, and I think she may be crying, but she's so worked up it's hard to tell. Then a few seconds later I'm suddenly alone again as she races out of the room with a fist full of bills, to call Sora back. She's too excited to sit still, or even wait to go at all, so once she's grabbed a few things she'll need for the night afterward, I drive her over so all three girls can jitter in anticipation together.

I actually get a round of hugs from all three of them before I leave, because they're so happy I let Mei go. I just chuckle and wish Sora's mother good luck with them.

When I'm driving home, I realize I never called Makoto back. Since I'm already in the car, it seems easier to keep driving for a few more blocks, and park in front of their house instead. I turn off the engine and just stare at the house for a few minutes before getting out. When I knock, a rather put-out looking Haru answers the door, but when he sees that it's me, his eyebrows raise in surprise, and then he _smiles_.

I've always known Haru looks better than normal when he bothers to smile, but when his whole face lights up like this, he's _beautiful_.

“You came” he says happily, making me blush a little.

“Yeah, well, I was in the neighborhood...” Haru's pulling me inside while I try to make an offhanded joke, but then he pushes me up against the wall of the entryway. He kisses me firmly, lips and tongue and all, instead of letting me talk. When he does pull back, it's to call over his shoulder,

“ Makoto, he came” while he stares into my eyes adoringly.

Damn, I could really get used to this.

 

I haven't really been inside their bedroom since Haru actually moved over to the largest one and it officially became _their_ bedroom. It all looks a lot different from when we were kids. The twin bed, desk, and video game consoles are gone, either scattered in different parts of the house or replaced with more adult versions.

I try not to look at the size of the bed, and wander over to the bookshelf, glancing at the titles. As if they could possibly give me any more insight into the two of them than I already have.

“You know” Makoto says, coming up behind me and kissing the back of my neck gently, “You're normally so, focused... Are you sure nothing's wrong?” he asks one more time, and now I'm finally getting tired of hearing it. Maybe I should get my act together then...

“The only thing wrong is that you're still wearing pants” I turn and tell him with a grin. I love watching his eyes go soft like that. I tug on his shirt, prompting him to take it off, while I undo his belt. His eyes are the only thing soft on Makoto. Haru comes up behind me, obviously enjoying seeing me strip his boyfriend, and then suddenly all three of us are naked.

I had no idea Haru was as good at taking off other people's clothes as he is his own.

From the running theme they've established so far, I think there's a good possibility they mean to put me between them tonight. The thought gets me so hot, I don't even care who's going to be doing who. Their hands are everywhere, and their lips follow. It's all I can do to return a touch or kiss when I can, because their synchronization is completely overwhelming.

“Rin...” Haru murmurs in my ear, “Is it ok if Makoto fucks you?”

“Y-Yeah...” I say breathlessly, and Haru kisses me deeply while I'm being maneuvered onto my back. Even if it's one at a time, I don't care as long as I get to have the both of them somehow. Makoto begins to play with my ass while Haru's tongue is still tonsils deep in my mouth, and I'm fucking blown away already.

That's when the shameless moaning begins.

By the time Makoto's done preparing me, Haru's moved down to my nipples. He's slowly teasing them one at a time, like they're some prized possession of his or something...

“Hand me a pillow” Makoto asks, rubbing Haru's ass briefly to get his attention. Haru releases my chest and gives Makoto some kind of look I can't see from this angle, then grabs a pillow for him. Ah, I see what that look was when Haru shifts around; pure, unadulterated lust.

After Makoto scoots the pillow under my hips, the rate of my breathing skyrockets, along with my pulse. I'm looking at him while he lines himself up at my entrance, but then suddenly my view is obscured by Haru straddling me. I grip his arms reflexively, and, oh god, Makoto's helping line me up with Haru at the same time. They move together, one sliding in, and the other sliding on, and I hear myself make a noise I'd never admit to afterward. These fucking guys.

“Haru... Makoto...” there's just no way for me to convey anything properly right now. Makoto is rubbing my legs, and Haru doing that thing where he sees everything inside me that I didn't mean to show him while we all adjust.

When they begin to move, it's fucking heaven. The moaning and grunting that's coming out of this room is every bit as obscene as you'd expect three guys going at it to be. I've lost all track of time, or care for keeping it down. It's like every thrust they take makes Makoto's eyes more clouded, and Haru's more piercing.

“Makoto...” Haru says in between his shallow panting as he rides me, “Fuck him harder.”

Is he serious? Fucking holy hell, he is. Makoto suddenly seems like he's been holding back this entire time, and shit, he's so deep inside me now it feels like he's rubbing against my fucking spine.

“Makoto, Makoto, fuck...” a guttural groan follows my attempt at speaking, and my grip on Haru's shoulders increases to the point of bruising. Meeting his eyes, I can tell the fucker's enjoying every minute of this. He starts slamming himself down onto me with even more intensity, and shit, had we just been warming up before this?... My face is tense with disbelief, though my mouth is hanging open.

Something in Haru's eyes just wants to fucking _own_ me so badly, it's thrilling and a little scary at the same time. I get the feeling that if he had another dick at his disposal, he be having it rammed down my throat as well. It seems kind of an odd thing to think, until he suddenly arches up and leans backward. He keeps himself planted firmly over me, with his hips rocking, as he reaches back to turn Makoto's face toward him. Cupping the side of it, he plants a hungry kiss on his lips and then says in a deep, lust ridden voice,

“Make him cum, Makoto.”

“God you guys are such fucking assholes” I sound desperate and like my voice is about to crack at any moment, because I've never even dreamed this much pleasure could really exist. How the fuck does Makoto know just where to hit inside me with every fucking stroke?... I can feel my whole body tensing up in obedience only moments after Haru's command.

While I'm shouting and emptying myself up through Haru's hot insides, Makoto's stroking his dick furiously from behind, still grinding me into the mattress. I'd be more impressed with his coordination if I wasn't seeing spots in front of my eyes. I'm starting to feel nice and weightless, boneless as I'm sinking down, when something wet splashes against my face. My eyes blink open, and Haru's cumming with his arms wrapped up behind Makoto's neck, like he's on special display, just for me. Maybe he is. And, it's his cum that's hitting me in the face. Makoto, that jerk, seems entirely too pleased with his aim. After a second of looking at me with those tumultuous green eyes, he cums inside me.

I'm going to have to encourage Mei to go on a lot more sleepovers.

 

….........

 

For being someone whose best friend I've literally _seen_ hiss at the suggestion of too much social activity, Mei sure does care a lot about being popular. I'm sat down a week before high school starts to plan out exactly how I'll behave when dropping her off that first day. For the maximum projection of 'coolness' to be provided her. I don't think I even own any black fingernail polish anymore, but she's so serious and cute about it, that I find myself agreeing to her 'requests'.

I think they were more like demands looking back, but I've already given in by then. At least she didn't ask me to show up wearing one of my medals. The memory of her asking that in middle school brings a smile to my face...I guess some things never change. Haru gives me a look like I'm some sort of spineless fish when I tell him why I'm buying fingernail polish... But then he goes and sits just a little too close to me while he helps me apply it. Mei's home, but busy with talking on the phone, and is used to Haru and Makoto being over a lot more now. I doubt she'd think anything was 'wrong' with it, even if she did notice.

It's funny, but her very 'calculated' approach to the image she wants to project reminds me of Rei. I think each of them would be proud to see the little ways they've rubbed off on her. I know she has her plans and everything, but I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility for her to work in a surprise breakfast with all the guys the morning of her first day.

It turns out it was good timing, since she was completely ready like an hour earlier than she needed to be. If only that would last throughout the year...

I didn't tell them to, or imply in anyway that this was that sort of get together, but all the guys bring her gifts for the occasion. Rei gives her a programmable calculator for the higher math she'll be learning now. Nagisa picked out some sort of trendy sweater/shirt thing that looks more like a net made out of neon string than clothing... She can't really wear it today since it would be out of dress code with her uniform, but the thought is nice I guess.

Makoto brings her a first aid kit for her locker, patterned entirely in pink leopard print. Mei squeals happily because we were looking for one of those when we were doing our back to school shopping last week, but they were out of this design that she wanted. Haru goes last, and I'm kind of wondering what it is that he'd have picked out for her... He pulls a tiny mp3 player out of his pocket and hands it over. It's just the cheap kind, and there's no headphones attached to it, probably because she already owns ones way better than any that would come with something like this.

“You're hard to shop for” Haru says with a little bit of a frown, “So I made you a playlist. It's all my favorite songs that remind me of the water” he adds as if that congeals the whole thing into being reasonable. I'm shaking my head in disbelief, but I know it's something Mei will _love_. Her face is already breaking into a huge grin, and she throws her arms around Haru, hugging him tightly and initiating a group effort to smother her.

Then it's finally off to Iwatobi High School. We can't all fit in one vehicle, because she readily agrees to the guys coming to see her off too. So Rei and Nagisa follow behind us in their car. I think it's hitting all of us a little harder than we thought it would, to be standing around the gates of this school as a group again. After another round of hugs, with myself going last, she's finally ready to head to class, but not before hitting me up for lunch money.

“This is all part of your master plan, isn't it?” I ask skeptically of the need for me to be seen giving her money here at the front of the school. She grins and gives me a fake punch to the arm.

“Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not as sharp as your teeth, Oji-san” she says with a wink.

It's actually the honesty of her not trying to deny it at all that makes me go ahead and pull out my wallet. Plus, I didn't get her anything special this morning, so I feel a little awkward about that, but not like _guilty_ or anything. I do hand over quite a bit more yen than she would actually need for one lunch, but what's the point of being seen getting money, if it's not a lot?

“Hey, one more hug” I say as I'm forking over the cash, like it's a trade. While we're having our little moment, I tell her I love her one more time, and then send her off into the world. Well, not really, it's just high school, but it's still a pretty big occasion. Everyone looks a little misty when I turn around, though I'm not sure if it's for Mei's milestone or their own memories. Knowing these guys, it's probably both.

 

I go back with Makoto and Haru to their house, since both of them took the morning from work to come see Mei off. Haru promptly strips and gets into the bath as soon as we arrive, leaving me and Makoto to hang around and reminisce for a while. He delayed his soak earlier so they would make it to my house on time, and I'm appreciative, knowing Haru.

When he finally gets out, I'm resting my head on the back of the couch and grousing about Mei and boys for the millionth time. I know they've already heard it, but Makoto humors me, and these are the things that keep me up at night, ok? Haru is less than helpful when it comes to this particular topic though.

“What's the big deal? Makoto and I were having sex three times a day at her age” he informs me, making Makoto nearly choke on his tea.

“H-Haru!” he sputters, “You can't just say something like that so casually!”

“Why? It's just us and Rin” he raises and eyebrow.

“It's just not normal!” Makoto is so red it's amusing.

“What? The amount of sex we had, or me talking about it?” Haru wants clarification.

“You know” I say, interrupting for Makoto's sake, “It's ok, I seriously doubt she has anything to worry about from guys like _you_ anyway, Haru.”

 

….........

 

It's early on a Saturday morning. Mei spent the night at Sora's, so of course I spend the night at Makoto and Haru's. I've never really formally _told_ her the three of us are together now. I pretend I'm not hiding anything by never denying where I'm going if she asks. It sounds kind of cowardly and not like very responsible parenting, but I'm the guy who couldn't talk to her properly about birth control either.

Makoto and I are making out leisurely while Haru's still asleep, and thank god we still have the covers over us when there's a knock at the door and it opens right afterward. There was no need to lock it since we were _supposed to be_ alone in the house.

“Oc-chan, are you awake yet? Oji-san said he was spending the-” Mei stops in mid sentence, her eyes widening. With Makoto pressed close above me, there's no way it's not obvious what's going on here. The noise wakes Haru too, of course, and he stretches and starts to sit up with a confused look on his face. If there was any doubt as to the _extent_ of what's going on here either, it just got dispelled.

“I knew it!” Mei says after drawing in an astonished breath.

Wait, what?

I'm still frozen to the spot, and Makoto's making an adorable squeaking noise as he pulls the covers up further, when Mei pulls out her cell phone.

“This is awesome! I totally was right, now Nagisa Oc-chan owes me 10,000 yen!” she chortles happily, snapping a shot with her camera and then trotting off down the hall. I've managed to exhale at this point, but that's about all. Haru's confusion has turned into an outright frown now.

Mei kind of let the door fall closed behind her, but not all the way. I can hear her excited footsteps going down the stairs and right back out of the house. Apparently she's going to collect _right now_.

“Nagisa? But he knows about 'us'... Why would he make a bet he knew he'd lose?” Makoto sounds worried about the whole situation a lot more than I am. Personally, I'm kind of glad she found out in a “non-confrontational” way, and without me having to say anything. Plus, it's not like you can actually _see_ anything in the picture.

“That little shit” Haru says with feeling, prompting us both to turn and look at him. “He does know... He asked me for pictures a while ago, but I said no … I didn't think anything else of it... It was just Nagisa being Nagisa.”

“So he probably told her she'd need proof to win the bet” I fill in the blanks, “I can't believe he'd manipulate a 16 year old girl into getting compromising pictures of us.”

“Are we so sure he was the only one doing any manipulating? I mean, the odds are pretty good that she knew already” Haru points out.

Makoto sighs, resting his head against my chest.

“I don't think the world is ready for a girl as fierce as that.”

Heh. It'll have to be.

 

….........

 

In between Mei's 1st and 2nd years, I get a call from the director of the facilities that I used to train at when I was still swimming competitively. I still swim pretty much every day, just not for times and stuff. I'm sure Haru is more proud of me than he lets on for having let go this much. Anyway, one of the guys training there unexpectedly had his coach quit on him last week. Apparently his wife was diagnosed with cancer, and not given long to live. My heart goes out to him, but it does leave his young 'pupil' in a bit of a bind. The guy, or should I say kid, is only 17, so it's not like he's got any Olympic level experience to draw on himself.

I've never thought about coaching, honestly... When I do think about it, I guess I'm certainly qualified for the job. I even have a lot more patience for dealing with people and kids in general after raising Mei. The only problem is, location. It's much too far to be commuting back and forth each day. And I'm _not_ doing something like leaving Mei here so she can finish school while moving on myself. I've seen the little leftover bits of resentment in Haru's eyes, even though he hides them well.

It would pay really well, and it would be amazing to get back into the competition scene...but, I just can't. At the end of the day, Mei still comes first. A large part of me would have trouble being that far from Haru and Makoto too, even if I took her along. I also get an almost instant migraine thinking of all the attractive guys she'd be around much more often if my job involved working with professional swimmers.

So I tell him no, but I thank him for thinking of me.

 

….........

 

“Oji-san? Can we talk?”

Shit. Those words, paired with that hesitant tone, it's something no parent ever looks forward to hearing.

“Oh god, are you pregnant?” I ask right away, the blood draining from my face. Mei's eyebrows raise just a fraction, but then she gives a kind of snort/laugh thing, and shakes her head.

“No, I'm not pregnant, jeez... Are you ever going to stop it with that?” she gives me a wry look.

“Well, tell me you're a lesbian and I'll stop worrying about it” I say with a sigh, tossing down the magazine I'd been reading. “So what's up?”

Mei's face looks like you could fry an egg on it.

“Um, actually...” she doesn't quite look like she's going to be getting out the rest of that sentence... And then it dawns on me what she's implying.

“Mikoshiba Mei, you'd better not be messing with me...” I rarely use her full name like that, but this is important. It's really rare for me to see this kind of body language coming from her. She looks so small right now, though normally her personality fills up entire rooms.

“I... I'm not... I mean, I'm not messing around... You really wouldn't mind? Something like that?” she asks, her eyes full of, well, the best way I can describe it is the hope that she'll still be loved 15 minutes from now.

I pull her into a hug and speak to the top of her hair.

“Mei-chan... Of course I wouldn't mind. Are you kidding? I'd never have to worry about you falling for some brainless, musclebound asshole again” I tease her a little. Even though she knows already that I 'bat for the other side', it still takes guts for her to admit it about herself to me. I never told my mother.

“Oji-san, girls can be assholes too” she laughs, hugging me back every bit as hard.

“Yeah, but they don't have dicks” I say, like the two things are closely correlated. And maybe they are. Who knows.

“So what's her name?” I ask, thinking there must be at least a _potential_ significant other to be bringing this to a head for Mei.

“Well, her name's Akemi, she's a 3rd year, she's really nice to me even though she's a year older” Mei begins to explain, “And...she asked me out the other day...but I didn't want to be all sneaky about it.”

“I'm really glad you told me, Mei...and that you overcame my bad example” I add a bit sheepishly, messing up her hair. She giggles.

“Yeah, I may only like girls, but you guys even set of my 'gay-dar'. Sorry, Oji-san, but you really weren't being as sneaky as you thought.”

 

….........

 

“Haru, get up” I shake him harder this time.

“Ngh” and then more lifelessness is all I get for my effort. I look at the clock, and I don't have time to be wasting on getting him out of bed all morning. I'm taking Mei and her girlfriend to the mall today, but I promised Makoto I'd make sure Haru was awake before I left. Time to use the secret weapon. 15 minutes later, I come back into the bedroom, and strip all of Haru's covers off with a grand gesture. He makes a grunt of displeasure at me, but I ignore it.

“Haru, it's time to get up... There's a nice, warm bathtub of water, already drawn, and just waiting for you to get in it” I tell him sweetly. I see his nostrils flare when I say the word water, though his eyes don't open. A deep breath later, he sits up like his torso is attached to a string, groaning and grumbling. His eyes are still closed while he throws accusations at me.

“Temptress.”

 

….........

 

When word comes down the pipeline that Samezuka is looking for a new head coach, I don't wait to think about it, I apply right away. Actually, it turns out I don't even need to apply. When I walk onto campus to see about filling out their form, the principal hires me on the spot. It's still Hayashi-san from when I attended here myself. For 'only' being high school level, it pays better than I thought it would, but then again, it's taken very seriously. I'm up to the challenge though.

Hayashi-san is excited to have me on board, and also that I can start right away. They haven't been without a head coach since my days there, when an internal conflict with the school board left the position vacant for two years. Thankfully they had Sei to step up during those years as captain. He probably would have made a good coach himself.

I have my own office and desk, all that. I'm given a key and told I can come by tomorrow, which is a Saturday, to get myself situated for when my duties start Monday. Mei wants me to take all of my medals over there and hang them in cross hatch of gold and silver on the wall behind me, but I don't think that's _quite_ going to be necessary. She wants to come with me to see where I'm going to be working too, and since it's a Saturday with no class, and she's a lesbian, I agree. Hey, it's still an all boys school, after all.

I remember these halls so well, I forget the things they actually contain sometimes. While we're heading over, Mei stops in front of the trophy case that's built into the wall, or rather, _is_ the entire wall. Aside from being impressive as a history, I can tell she's specifically looking over the years when I attended.

“Wow, you looked so young, Oji-san” she says in awe.

“ _Thanks_ ” I say, shoving her shoulder a little. I don't think I look that different, and neither do Haru or Makoto, but in the eyes of those who truly _are_ young, I guess we would. She sticks her tongue out at me a little, but goes back to looking without antagonizing me anymore.

“...He was pretty tall, huh?...” she says, staring intently at the same picture again. It's the group shot from the end of the year, my first on the team, and Sei's last.

“Yeah, he was taller than me, about as tall as Makoto. He was a good captain” I nod while taking in the happy pride he displayed in 'his' team for the photo. “He was a good dad too, for what time he got” I add, seeing her seriousness out of the corner of my eye. She nods briefly.

“Did he ever want to go to the Olympics too?” she asks me, still taking in the picture.

“No, not really. He loved to swim, but he liked being part of a team effort more than showing off individually” I've been thinking about the answer to that question, if it ever came up, for as long as I've had Mei, and I'm pretty sure I got it right. She nods again, and a few seconds later we move on, going to check out my new office. I think it went pretty well, considering how close I was to getting emotional. It's definitely lessened over the years, but that's part of the point of pictures, to help us remember.

 

( _Makoto_ )

 

I'm really proud of Rin for going and getting that job at his old Alma Mater. It may be 16 years in the making, but getting back on the horse is still important. He's decided to be ambitious and try to have most of the boy's names memorized from their profiles before his first practice on Monday. I offer to have Mei over for dinner with me and Haru tonight, so he can concentrate.

“Makoto Oc-chan?... Do you think Oji-san is ever, like, disappointed that I didn't become a swimmer?” Mei asks in the middle of our meal. I feel Haru's attention beside me suddenly focus on the conversation as we're eating.

“Disappointed? No, not at all, Mei-chan” I quickly avow. “Why do you ask?” I follow up with, though I already have a fair idea of the answer.

“Well, it's just, he's always loved swimming, and so did my dad, and I don't know, I'm wondering now if maybe I didn't give it enough of a chance...” she confides.

“You're not a fish, you're a songbird” Haru supplies from out of nowhere, and I feel all soft and warm inside from the sentiment expressed in those few terse words. Mei smiles and laughs a little.

“I thought I was a shark too...” she reminds us, snapping her teeth.

“Well, you can be the world's first singing shark then” I laugh along with her. “Besides, music may actually be nicer in the long run, since your ability will only get better over the years” I point out.

“That's only true if you care about 'times'” Haru makes sure to clarify. Probably because it sounded like I was _dangerously_ close to denouncing swimming as the single best thing in the world, ever.

“True, true... Though now that he's a coach, Rin may get back a little of his _competitiveness_ ” I warn Haru with a grin.

“Eww,” Mei says, her face twisted into a disgusted look, “I don't want to hear that about my Oji-san.”

Haru looks from Mei over to me, his face still mostly expressionless, though the corner of his mouth is twitching. “Yeah, Makoto, stop being such a pervert in front of the kids” he says.

“Hey! What are you?...I didn't! … Uhg, you two...” I get up and clear my plate from the table, leaving the two of them laughing behind me.

 

( _Rin_ )

 

Maybe I've just been hanging out with Makoto too long... I'm taking a break in between memorizing the 2nd and 3rd year team members' names, when I suddenly feel like the mood of the house just _shifted_. It's one of those things you tell yourself you're crazy for thinking when you first start out parenting, but later you learn to listen to it. I get up and 'wander' around the house a little, looking for Mei. I see a tuft of red hair poking over the couch, and head that direction. Very serious eyes, more serious even than when she came out of the closet to me, drill right through me when I walk around it.

She's holding the scrapbook Gou made of me.

“Oji-san,... You... You gave it all up for _me_ , didn't you?” her eyes are already welling with tears, and they spill over, but she doesn't sob, doesn't even blink until I answer her. Sitting down, I pull the book out of her hands, and hug her close.

“Yes” I say softly, “I did.” She begins to cry in earnest then, and I just rock her for a few minutes, until I think it's dissipated enough for her to be able to hear me.

“I'd do it all again though, exactly the same” I try to reassure her, rubbing her back. She crawls into my lap like the little girl she used to be, and I hug her tighter.

“But you only had so much time, you could have done more” she hiccups a little bit, burying her face against me. What she's saying is true, and what I said is true, so it's not like we're arguing...it just is what it is.

“Mei, you're much more important to me than some old cold lumps of metal. I'd have traded all of them in a heartbeat for more time with your parents and grandma. I wasn't about to sacrifice you to them too.” Now my voice is cracking with emotion, but it's not really sadness. It's more like being happy. Happy that I did make the right decision then. Happy that Mei still loves me after all the parenting fails I've gone through. She sniffles against me as we both cry a little.

“But your dream...”

“Dreams change, honey. People change. Situations and circumstances and everything is always changing, it doesn't make any sense to hold onto things only because it's what you _used to_ want. I had already learned that the hard way in my life when I was your age. Like I said, Mei, I wouldn't do anything differently if I had the chance to do it all over again... Well, actually, I take that back” I say, pausing for a moment. Mei tilts her head up, looking at me like, 'Seriously? This better be good...'

“Maybe the whole 'letting Nagisa babysit alone' thing, I'd rethink” I say with a grin, making her crack one too.

 

….........

 

Graduation is upon us before I know it. Life is a lot busier now that I'm working, because all of that other cleaning and cooking and molding her into a respectable adult stuff still has to happen too. I wouldn't trade my job for any other though. I'd like to think that aside from continuing to boast such amazing records, the team this year swims with a lot more heart than before.

I don't remember my own graduation being so hectic and expensive... But I was paying about as much attention to that stuff then as Mei is now, so I guess it's par for the course. The cost of her cap and gown is _ridiculous_ , and then I'm expected to contribute to an 'event' for the grads that night too. Something intended to keep them all responsible and prevent them from drinking... Mei is actually going to DJ it, so she's pretty excited. Thankfully it won't start until dark, so there's plenty of time for us to celebrate with the family after the ceremony before she goes.

We're heading to Makoto and Haru's afterward, for cake and ice cream and gifts. They spent all day yesterday decorating, so it should be quite the shindig.

This morning, I gave Mei the diamond necklace that her dad had given Gou for their first anniversary. I wouldn't have cried if she hadn't, but you know how girls get all emotional.

I'm still fighting to keep calm and act normal for the rest of the day too. Mei is going to college after all, so she'll be leaving at the end of summer. Frankly, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

They give 10 tickets to each grad, for their family to come and watch them, but since we'll only use half that, we give the rest away to kids who need them. Mei has to be there a lot earlier than we do, so they can rehearse and stuff, but it doesn't take me long to be ready. I stand in her room for a while, refusing to think about how it'll be all packed up in a few short months. Then I go and sit in the living room, to keep from doing anything silly, like crying again.

Makoto and Haru swing by a few minutes before I was going to leave anyway, so we all ride over together. I'm excited for her, and we do still have all summer, so I know this isn't like goodbye or anything. It still feels so, _final,_ though...

Rei and Nagisa are already there, and have saved us seats. It's funny how in a sea of parents, Nagisa can still effectively get your attention if he wants to. I'm trying my best not to crumple the program for the event in my hands out of nervousness, though _I'm_ not the one with anything to be nervous about.

When they call Mei's name, my heart, my breathing, my everything stops as I watch her proudly stride up to the podium. She gets her ribbon-wrapped tube, and shakes the principal's hand firmly. There's a photographer down there, snapping shots of each student in that moment, and the grin Mei flashes could have come straight out of shark week.

“Good job, Rin, you did it” Makoto says softly in my ear. I don't want to miss a moment of seeing her in that cap and gown, looking so grown up and ready to take on the world, so I keep looking at her while we talk.

“I wasn't ready” my voice chokes a little in response.

“I know, but Gou would have been proud” he adds, slipping his arm over my shoulders.

“I wish I had more time” I confess, holding onto my composure by a thread. Haru puts his arm around my waist next, and then the tears start streaming, though I still don't look away from the procession when he speaks.

“It's ok Rin, it's not over yet. You still have your whole lives left after this.”

 

 

The End


End file.
